Monday, December 19, 2005

I Heart Minneapolis

For more on my home ownership/tree situation, click here.

So... On Thursday, I go to my tree hearing, to appeal the fact that the city removed my tree without permission and charged me for it. I get to the building, and ,walk into the inspectors office. I am directed to the basement, room B-14. Turns out, room B-14 is this creepy, unwindowed room underground. How apropos. Two folks had gotten there first, and therefore had their opportunity to explain themselves before I did. The first was a disabled woman. She was there to protest the fact that the city had removed all of the flowers on her property, and charged her for it. Apparently, there were weeds in one of her flower gardens, and there were weeds on the boulevard (meaning the area nearest the street). There were also flowers there, but she removed the weeds in her gardens, while failing to remove those in the boulevard. As a result this poor woman had all of her flowers removed, to the tune of $400. the adjudicator looked at her condescendingly, and told her she would receive her decision within 15 days. Nice. The next person was charged $150 for lawn mowing. He had received a notice for tall grass on his boulevard, which turned out to be a strip of grass behind his garage. He did the best he could to mow his grass, but didn't know that the city was talking about the strip of grass behind his garage. The adjudicator looked at him condescendingly, and told him he would receive his decision within 15 days. Nice.

So it came to me. I presented my evidence, the fax from the landscaper stating that my tree did not need to come down. The city presented it's own evidence. They sent warning letters. the supervising inspector made it seem as though they had warned me a thousand times, but they had only sent me two warnings, none of which coming after we submitted the fax. The adjudicator looked at me condescendingly, told me that I would receive my decision within 15 days. Nice.

So I call Jack Allison, the supervising inspector, to inquire regarding my appeals status. We get into a discussion regarding prior inspections. Seems my neighbor, an unemployed 300 lb. drunk who lives with his mother, has been calling the inspectors on an almost daily basis regarding every little thing he finds wrong with my house. Fascinating.

My discussions also reveal that the city has my house on record as having fire damage, and having been condemned and vacated in August. Funny, I went there today and not only was there no fire damage, but the house was decorated with Christmas lights. I knocked on the door, and my tenant answered. The house was in better shape than I left it. No fire damage, no condemnations, just a smiling, nervous tenant (who, to my embrassment, I have never met before).

Why do I mention all of this? Because I hate the city of Minneapolis. I hate it's bureaucratic, nanny-state BS. I hate the fact that the city re-elected a profoundly corrupt mayor simply because he paid lip service to the gay community. I hate the fact that my tax dollars (and yes, they are MY tax dollars, even though I happen to be a white male) fund the services of such incompetent teet-suckers as Jack Allison, and every other government-employed lowlife who can't find a job in the real world. I hate the fact that my poor tenant, a hispanic mother of four children, has to endure taunts and harassment from a 55-year-old, fat, waste of a human being, who continues to drink his life away. I hate the fact that I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps (and yes, I called them bootstraps) to be able to purchase a property, and now face persecution from a city run by trust-fund babies who are unaware of such things as "bootstraps" and succeed by being cronies (or Daytons, or Pillsburys). I hate the fact that the city I know and love is run by a small group of effete, latte-drinking elite morons who live in $300,000 condos, and consider themselves better and more knowledgable than everyone else.

Again, this is why I vote republican, people.


Anonymous Thom said... you really have bootstraps? Or are you just speaking metaphorically?

Congrats on the engagement!

8:19 AM  
Anonymous leroy said...

I agree....Congrats on the engagement!

10:45 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I agree with you Kev. In my youth I always thought of myself as progressive and identified more with the liberal democrats. However, thank the Lord I have seen the error of my ways and now vote either Republican or independent.

The whole gay rights issue completely turned me cold to liberalism.

It's so unfortunate that people's sexual orientation has become one of the biggest platforms on which we choose to elect our leaders.

If the issue were hunger, poverty, education, human rights it might make more sense.

Maybe you could anonomously dump a truckload of woodchips in Jack Allison's yard, then call the city and have it reported as a nuisance.

12:55 PM  

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