Friday, March 10, 2006

Football? We don't need no stinkin football.

So, Javon Walker doesn't want to play for the Packers, cause Brett Favre hurt his feelings.

Vince Young, one of the NFL's most promising rookies, apparently has the IQ of an autistic lumberjack.

In three years, Terrel Owens will be on a Baltimore street corner, selling crack to Johns Hopkins dropouts.

Daunte Culpepper demands a trade, after his team publicly humiliated him by forcing him to suck this last year. And, er, there was something about a boat.

Randy Moss continues to be the Detroit, Michigan of people.

The Superbowl happened just over a month ago, and I cannot, for the life of me, remember who won. Was it the Colts? I seem to remember them doing well. At least Peyton Manning didn't fling feces at any police officers or anything.

College football has no champion. It is, literally, a sport that lacks an official championship game. It is the "TransAmerica" of college sports.

So, here's my plan. Tell football to shove it. Seriously, have you watched basketball? Pretty fun stuff. Baseball? The most nuanced of sports. Hockey? The best sport in the world to watch live. Golf? Curling? Bass fishing? Each have their charms.

But football? Can anyone reasonably say the football is awesome? No, you can't. Perhaps I might be biased by the fact that my team (The Lions) currently features Jake Gyllenhall (or whoever the hell that is) at quarterback. Perhaps I am biased by the fact that a goodly number of the sport's major stars retire before the age of 30.

Nonetheless, I have to say that football has been total donkey-testicles of late. And I, for one, am sick of it.

So, Vikings and Packers fans, given that you have nothing to be happy about for the next quarter-century, howzabout just giving it up? Hey, there's plenty of room on the Pistons bandwagon...


Anonymous Thom said...

I don't recall who won the Super Bowl...

Since I always found football relative dull, I have no problem in joining your call to tell football to shove it.

And that's what you call committing to an issue.

7:29 AM  
Blogger mrs. r said...

umm, I think your argument breaks down when you admit that the Lions are your team. Who wouldn't be depressed in your position?
And as far as the Vikings go, we fans haven't really had hope for the last few years as it is, why would a few more years prove any different? It just goes to show how loyal we are....or ridiculously dimwitted...but again, we kicked ass compared to the Lions, so at least we're better than you...=)

12:00 PM  
Blogger Adam Omelianchuk said...

Good points Ann. The reason for Kev's hatred for football is because his team is worse than the Vikings. I guess I don't blame him.

1:17 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

Hey, maybe we can swap quarterbacks!
Harrington would thrive in an environment where an appletini is never more than five minutes away.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Laura said...

Blasphemous! The Green Bay Packers are awesome no matter how they play. They rule the NFL, even if they only win one game per season. They are the "Magnum" to every other male model's plain old stare.

4:39 PM  

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