Gospel of Cindy Discovered
In a discovery that may reshape the way Christians view their savior, scientists have located a months-old text in the bottom of youth group member Cindy Johnson's backpack. The text apparently chronicles Cindy's very personal relationship with Jesus, as well as her confidence in the attractiveness of someone named Doug.
Among the more startling revelations were Cindy's deep questions about issues such as pre-marital sex, alcohol, and whether Doug thought she was cute, and whether she should pray about marrying him even though she was only 16 at the time of her writing. Below is a sample.
"God, it's so hard. It's like, I know me and Doug are meant to be together. He always prays out loud in Youthfunk, and wants to play in a Christian band someday. But my parents say I should wait. He's so cute."
Youthfunk is believed to be a reference to Haverbrook Church's youth-oriented midweek service, which has since been renamed to "Christslam." Doug, is believed to be Doug Wilkinson, the groups college-age youth group leader.
The text, much of which is written in purple and light-green ink, also references some doubt as to the transformative power of Christ, especially in times of turmoil.
"Oh my God. So Doug texts me and says I need to call him so we can chat. I'm like... Finally! Praise Jesus! So, I call him and he tells me that some have observed that I might have a romantic interest in him. He tells me that he's flattered, but that I'm too young, and perhaps I should stop buying him Best Buy gift certificates. I like started crying, and he told me he thought Luke might be interested in me. Yeah, like I want to date a fatty. God, you suck."
The text, which had long ago been dismissed by archbishops as not worthy of inclusion in the new testament, has been embraced by Biblical scholars.
"When something like this comes along, I tend to accept it as an important part of the scriptures without questioning it," Said John Dominic Crossan, author of The Birth of Christianity . "To award prominence to the Gospel of Mark over the Gospel of Cindy is an arbitrary distinction that I cannot endorse."
While the life of Jesus may forever be a mystery, the works of Cindy have shed some light on the life of this amazing man.
Among the more startling revelations were Cindy's deep questions about issues such as pre-marital sex, alcohol, and whether Doug thought she was cute, and whether she should pray about marrying him even though she was only 16 at the time of her writing. Below is a sample.
"God, it's so hard. It's like, I know me and Doug are meant to be together. He always prays out loud in Youthfunk, and wants to play in a Christian band someday. But my parents say I should wait. He's so cute."
Youthfunk is believed to be a reference to Haverbrook Church's youth-oriented midweek service, which has since been renamed to "Christslam." Doug, is believed to be Doug Wilkinson, the groups college-age youth group leader.
The text, much of which is written in purple and light-green ink, also references some doubt as to the transformative power of Christ, especially in times of turmoil.
"Oh my God. So Doug texts me and says I need to call him so we can chat. I'm like... Finally! Praise Jesus! So, I call him and he tells me that some have observed that I might have a romantic interest in him. He tells me that he's flattered, but that I'm too young, and perhaps I should stop buying him Best Buy gift certificates. I like started crying, and he told me he thought Luke might be interested in me. Yeah, like I want to date a fatty. God, you suck."
The text, which had long ago been dismissed by archbishops as not worthy of inclusion in the new testament, has been embraced by Biblical scholars.
"When something like this comes along, I tend to accept it as an important part of the scriptures without questioning it," Said John Dominic Crossan, author of The Birth of Christianity . "To award prominence to the Gospel of Mark over the Gospel of Cindy is an arbitrary distinction that I cannot endorse."
While the life of Jesus may forever be a mystery, the works of Cindy have shed some light on the life of this amazing man.
posted by Kevin Sawyer | 2:09 PM 
2 Comments:
Kevin, this really made me laugh.
Wow...again, my faith is rocked by another unexpected gospel. One wonders though, did anyone confirm if Doug did, indeed, think Cindy was cute? The questions this ancient text creates will take years to resolve.
Post a Comment
<< Home