Tuesday, June 06, 2006


Just when you think you've seen atrocity, the absolute zenith of human depravity, along comes a story like this.

A baby in China, lucky enough to be born with a sweet third arm, is now having that arm removed by jealous doctors. Frankly, it makes me sick.

This would never happen in America. Here, little baby Vishnu would be celebrated, and like totally score...

The mother was quoted as saying "I worry about how he will grow, whether this will have a big impact on his growth."

Um, yeahhhhh!!!! I can see it now, when Jing Ling (or whatever his name is) grows up and wants to show off his sexy trifurcated torso.

"Hey, baby, I've got a third arm... I'm so badass."

"Oooohhh... Jing Ling, you are positively da' bomb. I'm gonna vote for you for homecoming king... Hey wait, you only have two arms, and one's all gimpy..."

"Yeah, they removed my third arm at birth, but I'm totally a three-armer at heart."

"Whatever, three-arm wannabe boy... Your I liar, which is why I'm so going to mace you right now."

"Arrrgghhhh... My eyes, why, Chinese doctors, why???"

Cause they don't understand you, that's why. They hated you for your gift. They said you needed a cure... I say you are the cure... Well, you were the cure. Now you're just Chinese.

I tell you what, if my baby has, say, guns for feet*, I'm not gonna force surgery to ruin God's handiwork. No, cause that's not how I roll. That is not even within the vicinity of the way I opt to roll.

No, I'm gonna get that kid on Maury Povich...

And he's gonna be a star, my kid, on account of the feet, they being guns...

* - What are the mathematical odds against this particular anomaly? 8 to 1? My science is fuzzy.


Anonymous Thom said...

Man...I wish I had been born with a third arm. Instead I am just fat. And that don't make me special at all.

7:43 AM  
Blogger That One Dude said...

You are special Thom. Your mom says your special and she would never lie to you.

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Thom said...

I don't know. She has said I am handsome...and we all know that's a lie. So I can't put that (Lying to me) past my mom.

7:24 AM  

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