Friday, July 21, 2006

I want a free guy

Remember video games? Remember when you got points for doing things? Kill the flying bee, get 400 points. Eat a pretzel, get 700 points. Those were they days.
Just do some crap and get some damn points for it. Best of all? After you got a certain number of points, you got a free guy.

As a child, I fully expected that, as an adult, the performance of certain actions would result in an almost ceaseless accrual of points. I also expected that, at myriad intervals, I would be reward with a free guy, or a 1up as it was sometimes known.

So, one can understand why, when my boss took me to lunch, I boldly requested a shiny new free guy. Realistically, I shouldn't even need to ask. Did Pacman have to tap the guy who dispensed tokens at the counter at Chuck-e-Cheese, and say "hey, um, Pacman here... Um, I do believe there was reference to a free guy once I had reached the 10,000 point plateau. Um, well, I'm at about 13,460, and, well, I was wondering..."

No, they made good with the guy the second that little meter reached 10,000.

So, what does my boss say? Nothing! He just stares at me as though he's not sure whether to laugh. What is that all about? Nonetheless, I handled the situation with aplomb, and changed the subject to football. Later, I crafted a list of reasonable, but ambitious demands.

In addition to a free guy, I am requesting megabombs, three powerups (at least one of them speed related), a forcefield, two little planes to fly around me, and 15-20 seconds of invincibility.

I fully expect my company to come through on my request. I mean, this is ridiculous.


Anonymous Sarah said...

You can no longer receive a 1UP because you finally found and recued your princess after looking in all those castles. Now the game's over.

9:43 AM  
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