Monday, July 31, 2006

An Interview With The Weather

Now and then, TPWK affords me the opportunity to talk with some high profile newsmakers. Today, I am honored to have with me The Weather. As everyone is surely aware, The Weather has been scorching lately, with temperatures reaching triple digits as far north as Chicago. Here in Minnesota, we've had a run of days in the high 90s, so let's get right to the questions. Welcome, The Weather.

The Weather: Thanks. It's great to be here.

TPWK: Now, I think I'm going to ask that question that's been on everyone's mind. What IS with all the heat?

The Weather: I know, I know... I'm sorry.

TPWK: I mean, we have elderly people dying, power outages in New York City. What's the deal?

The Weather: Yeah. I dunno... Summer comes around and I just get... I dunno, I have to be hot, you know what I'm saying?

TPWK: Now, you're hiding behind the "it's in my nature" excuse, and that just isn't going to fly. I mean, what's wrong with a nice 77 degrees, or even a balmy 85?

The Weather: Yeah, no you're totally right... I'm sorry... My bad.

TPWK: If you wanna go be all death-inducingly hot, why don't you do it in Guatemala, where nobody lives?

The Weather: Yeah. i mean. Look, I've been way out of line. You gotta understand though, I've got the sun all beating down on me like "Make it hot! Make it hot!". I mean, you're talking about a dude with a core that reaches 27,000,000 degrees.

TPWK: So, you're blaming the sun.

The Weather: Dude, the sun is such an ass. You have no idea what it's like working with that guy.

TPWK: So, does the sun just disappear in the winter? Why not just evenly disperse the heat?

The Weather: What are you a communist?

TPWK: Ummm... One of the more damaging features of the recent heat wave has been a lack of precipitation.

The Weather: Yeah... I know... I totally suck. I don't know what I'm doing.

TPWK: It just seems like... Okay, you're the weather... Be all hot. But why not hit us with a little nourshing rain? Is rain too much to ask.

The Weather: Ahhh... You sound like my friend Geological Phenomena. He called me up last night and gave me crap about the rain. I'm like, dude, I know what I'm doing.


The Weather: Yeah, alright. I'll make it rain. Whatever... Why's everyone gotta be so intense? I'm gonna go drink some Pabst with the Fossil Record.

TPWK: Well, that's all the time we have for today. I'd like to thank The Weather for stopping by.

The Weather: You can come with us if you want. We might grab some wings to, if that interests you.


Blogger Baron von Bauerick said...

It's true that I don't know you, but Jodi's blog said you interviewed the weather. I just had to see what it had to say for its actions lately. I'm glad someone got to the bottom of this.

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Roger said...

You had that punk in your studio and didn't let me have a go at him!?

6:39 AM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

I felt bad for him. He was totally chill. He reminded me of that dude in the Mac/PC ads. Not a bad guy, The Weather...

12:01 PM  
Anonymous Roger said...

Whatever. Peace-loving hippie.

6:48 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

I just opened up your page and was reminded of this glorious post. My first thought?

"F you weather."

Which is weird because it's actually beautiful out right now.

3:56 PM  

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