Thursday, July 13, 2006

Seriously, cat, stop imitating Tom Jones

Cat, I tell you, this is not warranted.

Alright, I'll admit that I am impressed. Most cats cannot speak, form a cohesive sentence, or even sing. Therefore, it is a profound mystery that you are able to imitate the beloved Vegas crooner, right down to his facial expressions.

Cat, you are extraordinary. It's tremendously unusual to be sung to by you, in the manner of Tom Jones. Are you happy?

You see, as you are a cat, the likelihood of you having any sort of career, beyond the predictable, Animal Planet, novelty-type gigs is extraorindarily remote. The only service (if you could call it that) you are providing is to keep me awake at 3am.

I mean, don't get me wrong. You have a great voice. American Idol auditions are coming into town. I think you should audition. You certainly have a niche factor. Would you be allowed to use your informal "cat age" in order to qualify for such an event?

However, as it stand, and, again, I reiterate, this is tremendously noteworthy stuff, the Tom Jones imitations must cease. Cat, I cannot put it more bluntly. Cease... At once...

Okay, now you are imitating Starr Jones. That isn't nice. That's not nice to do, Boots. In fact, it is rather cliche. Though, again, I am frankly dumbfounded at your gift of impression, on account of you being, you know, a cat.

Cat, your ability to manipulate the handle of the vaccuum cleaner, as though it were a microphone, is mesmerizing in itself. It is a stand-alone type talent, as respects cats. However, I think you will agree that it is inappropriate at this juncture. Further, it is driving the dog mad.

Come to think of it, Starr Jones has lost her excess weight. Really, your joke failed to be appropraite on many levels. However, since many cats deem it appropriate to dump dead rabbits at the feet of their masters, I am immensely please that you have found the wherewithal to generate satire on even the most hackneyed level. However..

Cat, cease this.


Blogger renee said...

i believe i am beginning to sense a theme.

8:42 AM  

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