Thursday, October 12, 2006

Random thought

So, I was reflecting today on my Tigers magnificent run in the ALCS. See, I'm a Detroit sports fanatic. Moving to Minnesota changed nothing, on account of Minnesotans are barely aware that there is such thing as sports, except that they are reflexively leary of whatever a "Packer" may be.

Minnesota is a sad, ironic, latently suicidal state. It is beneath our people to do anything so silly as, you know, support a sports franchise. If you attend, say, a Timberwolves game, you will find that the people sitting around you have gotten their tickets for free, likely found on a street somewhere. We prefer watered down theater that makes us feel smart (see: The Guthrie).

So yeah, I'm a Detroit fan.

Thus, I feel qualified to ask this question. Why the hell does Cincinatti have a baseball team? I mean, let's look at the merits. Cincinatti is the third largest city in Ohio. Ohio, people. Ohio is notable for being indiscernible from Michigan. That's not good.

Of course, Cincinatti is known for other things. The sticom "WKRP" was based out of Cincinatti. Remember that show? No? It had a turkey epsiode once... Still, no? Jerry Springer was the mayor of Cincinatti. Well, that's just a commentary in itself isn't it?

So, how does such a vacuous craphole earn itself a baseball team? Why, be the first damn city to have a team, that's how! Ah yes, the Reds were up and running back in the days of the Troy Trojans. If God chose to end baseball in Troy, why not Cincinatti? God, are you listening?

Still, couldn't the other cities just annex the team? I mean, what is Cincinatti going to do if, say, Portland wants a team?

I mean, I've been to Cincinatti. I was in a bus that stopped there. You don't want that action. Can't they just combine with Cleveland to form one "crapass, USA" team? Other than being a swing state, Ohio has no redeemable features. If the terrorists had flown planes into Akron, the sucking sound you heard would have been the collective yawn of the American populace.

I mean, if we are going to give Cincinatti a team, why not just give Wichita a team? Maybe we should just start an "all craphole towns" division. Perfect. Has Gary, Indiana had a team?

Oh, and thanks for ruining Griffey's career. I happened to like him. Scumbags.


Anonymous Thom said...

Well, that's not entirely true. Minnesotas are huge sports fans...if our teams our winning. If they are losing we hate them and routinely piss on them.

9:11 AM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

Thank you for the correction. Just so long as you don't defend Cincinatti. I will kill you.

9:23 AM  
Anonymous Thom said...

Oh, Cincinatti is a blight on the face of creation. No argument there.

10:57 AM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

Just wanted to make sure we're on the same page. I think this really needed to be said.

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

So much so you said it twice.

Go Wichita Warlords!

11:49 AM  
Blogger Chris Hill said...

Cincinatti is halfway in Kentucky. I lived near there in Dayton. There really isn't anything in that part of the country... except that both the Bengals and the Reds have really nice stadiums.

1:11 PM  
Anonymous b-nut said...

I hate the cinci airport. I have been to the 'Great American Ballpark' to see the Cubs play the Reds a couple years ago. It is a great place to see a game...nice park. I wouldn't defend Cincinnati though...I don't know anything about it. I don't even know how to spell it. Cool little bar neighborhood 'cross the river from the park though.

4:55 PM  
Anonymous Your Nephew from michigan said...

Ok here Mr. Sports Anylasist, if Cincinnati doesn't deserve a team then the tigers should have been banished from baseball about 5 years ago or the Kansas City Royals, the Cincinnati Reds have almost made the playoffs 3 of the last 4 years and where has detroit been the past 6 years, oh that's right second to last or last..i do give detroit alot of credit don't get me wrong but this year they are having an unbelievable year but i still beleive that if the Cincinnati Reds would make some moves to bulster up the starting pitching and get another big bat like alfonso soriano and possibly get lou pinella back managing which he has taken them to a world series title..then you could see the reds in detroits position and then see detroit missing the playoffs next year....

9:02 AM  
Anonymous b-nut said...

That's a lot of 'ifs' YNFM. If the Cubs didn't have a curse on them the last 100 years would look a whole lot different...just you wait for that curse thing to expire...then see who's talking. ;)

1:05 PM  

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