An Iraq Discussion
Lib = Liberal guy
Mod = Militantly moderate guy
Con = Conservative guy
Lib: Boy, Bush sure is a moron. More troops for Iraq? Hah, try more oil for Halliburton.
Con: Well, it seems he is responding to the incessant demand for more troops to accomplish the job.
Lib: What? Everyone knows that Bush is a warmonger.
Mod: Well, that isn't true, but Bush is awful, and I've voted for both Democrats and Republicans.
Con: Why? For months, everyone has been saying that we went into this effort without enough troops. Since no credible person is calling for immediate withdrawal, doesn't this make sense as the next course of action.
Lib: Whatever! You stupid moron. Bush just wants more blood for oil so he can help his karlrovedaddybushneoconwarmonger allies just like he did with Hurricane Katrina.
Mod: Both of you have equally valid points.
Con: How so?
Mod: Um, Chuck Hagel.
Lib: Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel!
Con: Okay, what about Joe Lieberman?
Lib: Neocon Zionist Bush Cronyist. NZBC, that's my new nickname for him...
Con: Cronyist isn't a word.
Mod: But, you see his point. Lieberman IS Jewish.
Lib: NED LAMOOOOONT!!!! THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!!!!
Con: The people re-elected Lieberman.
Mod: Well, they also bought Ann Coulter's book. You have to see both sides.
Con: Okay, so what would you do to alleviate the situation in Iraq.
Lib: Impeach Bush!
Mod: Well, I think we need to follow the Iraq Study Group's recommendation for diplomacy.
Con: Isn't it a little naive to go to base our entire effort on negotiations with rogue nations?
Mod: Oh, is that what they recommended? I don't read the papers. Aren't I the dickens?
Lib: Maybe if we would give up our imperialist, bloodforoil strategy strategy of murdering Iraqi schoolchildren, we could bring them to the table.
Con: How does our presence in Iraq constitute an imperalist venture, considering that our initial effort was geared toward handing power to the Iraqis?
Lib: PUPPET REGIME! The hanging of Saddam Hussein was a sectarian lynching! Bush should be tried for murder. Send him to the gallows with Cheney and Rumsfeld!!!!!!!
Mod: Well, you have to admit it is a puppet regime.
Con: Even if I concede your point, what is inherently wrong with that?
Mod: Um, puppets suck.
Lib: Con is a Zionist Neocon bitch!
Mod: That was uncalled for, but true.
Con: Thank you both. So are you for immediate withdrawal?
Lib: YES! NO MORE BLOOD FOR OIL YOU IDIOT! WE NEED TO CLEAN THE MESS WE CREATED!
Mod: He's right, we need to clean the mess we created.
Con: So, we must leave but we can't.
Mod: Bush has left us with no good solutions.
Con: What about the one he just proposed?
Lib: Why won't the President send his daughters to war? Bushfoley is a @##Q$* bastard!
Con: Lib, do you realize how insane you sound?
Mod: Um, you can't make that point because Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Ann Coulter exist.
Con: So, we must accept the political fringes into genuine debate on account of Pat Robertson?
Lib: Yeah, if you can get your lips off his butt, you Bushcheneyneoconhaggard douchebag!
Mod: I'm just saying there are two compelling arguments here.
Con: Clearly. So, in one word, what is the solution in Iraq?
Lib: Impeachment!
Mod: Lockbox.
Mod = Militantly moderate guy
Con = Conservative guy
Lib: Boy, Bush sure is a moron. More troops for Iraq? Hah, try more oil for Halliburton.
Con: Well, it seems he is responding to the incessant demand for more troops to accomplish the job.
Lib: What? Everyone knows that Bush is a warmonger.
Mod: Well, that isn't true, but Bush is awful, and I've voted for both Democrats and Republicans.
Con: Why? For months, everyone has been saying that we went into this effort without enough troops. Since no credible person is calling for immediate withdrawal, doesn't this make sense as the next course of action.
Lib: Whatever! You stupid moron. Bush just wants more blood for oil so he can help his karlrovedaddybushneoconwarmonger allies just like he did with Hurricane Katrina.
Mod: Both of you have equally valid points.
Con: How so?
Mod: Um, Chuck Hagel.
Lib: Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel! Chuck Hagel!
Con: Okay, what about Joe Lieberman?
Lib: Neocon Zionist Bush Cronyist. NZBC, that's my new nickname for him...
Con: Cronyist isn't a word.
Mod: But, you see his point. Lieberman IS Jewish.
Lib: NED LAMOOOOONT!!!! THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!!!!
Con: The people re-elected Lieberman.
Mod: Well, they also bought Ann Coulter's book. You have to see both sides.
Con: Okay, so what would you do to alleviate the situation in Iraq.
Lib: Impeach Bush!
Mod: Well, I think we need to follow the Iraq Study Group's recommendation for diplomacy.
Con: Isn't it a little naive to go to base our entire effort on negotiations with rogue nations?
Mod: Oh, is that what they recommended? I don't read the papers. Aren't I the dickens?
Lib: Maybe if we would give up our imperialist, bloodforoil strategy strategy of murdering Iraqi schoolchildren, we could bring them to the table.
Con: How does our presence in Iraq constitute an imperalist venture, considering that our initial effort was geared toward handing power to the Iraqis?
Lib: PUPPET REGIME! The hanging of Saddam Hussein was a sectarian lynching! Bush should be tried for murder. Send him to the gallows with Cheney and Rumsfeld!!!!!!!
Mod: Well, you have to admit it is a puppet regime.
Con: Even if I concede your point, what is inherently wrong with that?
Mod: Um, puppets suck.
Lib: Con is a Zionist Neocon bitch!
Mod: That was uncalled for, but true.
Con: Thank you both. So are you for immediate withdrawal?
Lib: YES! NO MORE BLOOD FOR OIL YOU IDIOT! WE NEED TO CLEAN THE MESS WE CREATED!
Mod: He's right, we need to clean the mess we created.
Con: So, we must leave but we can't.
Mod: Bush has left us with no good solutions.
Con: What about the one he just proposed?
Lib: Why won't the President send his daughters to war? Bushfoley is a @##Q$* bastard!
Con: Lib, do you realize how insane you sound?
Mod: Um, you can't make that point because Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Ann Coulter exist.
Con: So, we must accept the political fringes into genuine debate on account of Pat Robertson?
Lib: Yeah, if you can get your lips off his butt, you Bushcheneyneoconhaggard douchebag!
Mod: I'm just saying there are two compelling arguments here.
Con: Clearly. So, in one word, what is the solution in Iraq?
Lib: Impeachment!
Mod: Lockbox.
posted by Kevin Sawyer | 10:00 PM 
10 Comments:
Man. That Con is a lot more reasonable than any Con I have ever met in person or seen on TV...
What about the Con in your dreams Thom? What about that Con?
I do find it funny that the suggested course of action is to sit down with a country that we now know is funding and supplying the people who are killing our troops and "work things out." That seems like it makes a great deal of sense.
Well, the conservatives in my dreams are like the liberals in my dreams. Gooey.
It just seems that the Conservative was out of character with the rest of the piece. To be appropriate for this piece, the conservative should have read like this:
STAY THE COURSE! We need to win. If we don't win, we lose! John Kerry Hates the military! We gotta beat the terrorists!
No, Thom. You're missing the point of the post. You see, every conservative is very level headed and reasonable. And every liberal is a complete moron who just shouts the same nonsense and fails to grasp the situation at hand in a responsible and appropriate manner. Duuuh.
Actually, Haynes...every Liberal AND Moderate. :)
And EVERY Conservative just views the Liberals and Moderates as financial mules with which to rob the general public and force them to do their bidding. Yes, Yes we have heard it all before. Also the Conservatives and President Bush stole children from their mothers' arms to make them fight in a war. Come on, its not like the Military is voluntary or anything.
... are you being serious...? 'cause... the military *is* voluntary, isn't it? waaaaait... was that a joooke? niiiice. niiiice one. i get it. 'cause it iiis voluntary. oooooh. a jooooke. ooooh.
My point being is that there are fanatics on every side of the argument there Haynes. Everyone has a certain point that they can harp on. This is Kevin's blog so here he gets to make his own point. And yes it was a joke... oooooooh. Or whatever.
My point wasn't that every conservative is calm and reasonable, but rather that very few liberals are, especially those who burn with incendiary hatred of one George W. Bush. Not that this is inherently problematic, except that they have added nothing to the Iraq discussion.
I actually think that moderates get the worst of it in this post, which is fine by me.
I call 'em like I see 'em, and it IS my blog.
George Bush killed Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
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