Wednesday, September 19, 2007

An Interview with Andrew Meyer

Every now and then, my blog affords me the opportunity to talk with various newsmakers and important people. Today, I would like to welcome Andrew Meyer, who made headlines recently for his outburst (and the subsequent police reaction) at a University of Florida event at which Sen. John Kerry spoke. Without any further adieu, Andrew, welcome to TPWK.

Andrew: I'm glad to be here, now I have a few questions for you.

TPWK: Um, sure... I mean...

Andrew: Now, it's true that you have done work for conservative causes. Is it true that you even stole campaign signs before the 2006 elections.

TPWK: Well, no, I...

Andrew: I have more questions. Isn't it also true that you were involved in a conspiracy to undermine the Constitution by helping prop up this Christofascist president? And isn't also true that you failed stats class in college, but that you graduated anyway after appealing to the dean?

TPWK: I, well, these are important questions, so I'd like to answer...

Andrew: Isn't it also true that you work for...

TPWK: Well, calm down and let me ask the question.

Andrew: Hey, what are you doing?

TPWK: Um, I am just trying to.

Andrew: Are you arresting me? AHHHHH! AHHHHHH!!!!

TPWK: Have you ever met my roommate Leroy? You two would get al...

Andrew: Don't tase me bro!

TPWK: I don't have a taser.

Andrew: Don't tase me!

TPWK: I don't even have, like pencil. The worst I could do is jab you with my keys.

Andrew: Oh my God! He's giving me the government. He's gonna kill me.

TPWK: You know come to think of it, where the hell are my keys.

Andrew: OWWWWWWW!!!!

TPWK: Yeah, I would have to slap you with my wallet. I could do that, if you want.

Andrew: I'm going to prison! You are all witnesses! Follow me! Don't let them kill me.

TPWK: You know, if I do that, then my credit cards will come flying out, and it's kinda hard to get them back in the slots.

Andrew: I'm dying!

TPWK: Hardly. Why don't you get up off the floor, we'll go to Dairy Queen and get a couple of Dilly Bars. How does that sound.

Andrew: Get away from me!!!!

Adam Omelianchuk (holding a pipe in one hand and a Miller High Life in the other): People like you are why sensitive guys can't get women!

Andrew: Don't pipe me bro!

Adam: (thmup, thump, thump)

Andrew: OWWWWWW!

Adam: (thump, thump, thump, blood sprays onto loveseat) I AM WILD AT HEART!!!

Andrew: DEMOCRACY IS OVERRRRRRR!!!!

TPWK: This has certainly escalated.

Adam: MOLINISM!!!!

TPWK: What the hell did you just say?

Andrew: BLOG ABOUT MEEEEEEE! (dies)

Adam: ...

TPWK: Wow, that was somethin;...

Adam: Yeah, I know... I know. (Takes a swig of beer)

TPWK: Hey, you livin' the High Life?

Adam: Yes I am. Yes I am.

TPWK: Sonbitch. Sooooonbitch.

6 Comments:

Blogger Adam Omelianchuk said...

*applause*

I like Molinism worked its way into a bloodspattering beeting.

Some day, this will actually happen.

3:14 PM  
Blogger Marc Conklin said...

www.donttasemebro.com has been purchased and now points to the U of Florida wikipedia page. I love America.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Adam's interjection with pipe and High Life is pure blogging genius!

That's the hardest I laughed all week.

4:53 PM  
Anonymous peter said...

Beautiful! It was so vivid, I could see it before my eyes!

8:43 AM  
Blogger Thomwade said...

It's like a RockTV Writers meeting come to blood filled life!!!!

10:06 AM  
Blogger Ted said...

Some many good points... and so much grunting. Perfect Post.

11:19 AM  

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