Tuesday, September 18, 2007

An interview with my tomato

Every now and then, my blog affords me the opportunity to talk with various newsmakers and important people. Today, I would like to welcome Horwitz, the hyper-intelligent and, possibly, hydrocephalic tomato from my garden. Without an further adieu, Horwitz, welcome to TPWK.

Horwitz: Yes, it’s fantastic to be here.

TPWK: Now, I think the first thing everyone wants to know is…. Um…

Horwitz: What the hell is wrong with me?

TPWK: Yes, well that’s, not how I would have… I’m glad you said it.

Horwitz: Early in the growing stage, I was fused to another tomato.

TPWK: Almost an annexation.

Horwitz: Yes, well, you could call it that.

TPWK: Fascinating.

Horwitz: And from there, we essentially grew from one lifeblood, until we were picked, freed from the branches to explore all that this great Earth has to offer.

TPWK: Yes, and that is what I want to discuss. Since I picked you two weeks ago, you have actually begun hosting your own radio program on MPR.

Horwitz: Yes, “TOMATO, TOMAHTO.” Tuesday evenings at 10 pm CST, if you don’t mind the plug.

TPWK: Not at all. And your program recently made some ripples when Rep. Jim Ramstad announced his decision not to run for re-election on your show.

Horwitz: Yes, Jim, um, Rep. Ramstad and I had been discussing his decision off and on, and I wanted to provide a forum where he would have some space. So many times, these sort of announcements, no matter how innocuous, can create so much speculation.

TPWK: Absolutely, and I thought you struck a nice balance between asking the tough questions and simply letting him explain himself.

Horwitz: Yes, and he told me afterward that he felt he was better off for it.

TPWK: And you have quickly established a reputation as an independent, moderate voice yourself.

Horwitz: Yes, I think, as a tomato, and a non-voting citizen, I have been able to stay “above the fray” if you will.

TPWK: Important in these contentious times.

Horowitz: It absolutely is, yes…


Horowitz: ….

TPWK: I am going to consume you.

Horowitz: Yes, well, I expected as much.

TPWK: Things being how they are.

Horowitz: Right, no way around it. I have actually thought it some what noble. My body spliced in concentric circles, laying on a nuanced ciabatta with some melted gorgonzola. Maybe some basil and olive oil on top.

TPWK: I’m putting you in a salsa.

Horowitz: Oh…. No, no…


Horowitz: Not like this.

TPWK: Hold still while I get my paring knife.

Horowitz: Not like this… Not like this…


Anonymous peter said...

*singing "Circle of Life" by Elton John*

7:18 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I'm humming more along the lines of "Will the Circle be Unbroken?"

You should call it Horwitz Salsa in memoriam.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

....I mean Horowitz salsa.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Maybe the tomato annexed itself the other "o" halfway through the post.

9:25 AM  

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