Friday, September 28, 2007

Top Ten Fridays

Top ten reasons why McDonalds sucks

10. They did that xx billions served thing on their sign well past the point of plausibility.

9. Letting your kids play in the ball pool is the bacterial equivalent of dunking their heads in a vat of bloody ape stool.

8. Grimace, a major staple in their marketing campaign for decades, began as an evil milkshake thief before losing two arms and becoming an androgynous, arbitrary gumdrop who is vaguely enthusiastic about McDonalds offerings.

7. They own Chipotle, a restaurant that has compelled me to coin a phrase... Mexitarded.

6. Began the trend of throwing leftovers together with their "snack wrap" and McGriddles sandwiches. Next in like, the McEnjoyment: Six skinny french fries and a burnt Chicken McNugget between two applie pies with your choice of Honey mustard or two tablespoons of an improperly mixed milkshake.

5. A visit to features a picture of a drummer, a scuba diver, and what appears to be a man dashing his spouse against rocks, along with the autistic headline "I'm Going to McDonalds". There is no immediate link to menu items, locations, specials, or any information that one might which to acquire by visiting the website of a fast food establishment.

4. There really is no excuse for Ronald McDonald, is there? One childhood memory. In the 80s, there was a particularly gratuitous E.T. ripoff called Mac and Me. The main character was an adorable space alien who loved Coca-Cola (and maybe needed it to survive). McDonalds did a cross promotion advertising Ronald, who invited kids to "see me in my first movie!" While the movie does, indeed, feature Ronald McDonald, he is portrayed as a cynical jerk who belittles kids. Thanks for inviting me to your movie, prick.

3. They have somehow cornered the market on the mentally disabled.

2. They are apparently under the impression that everyone my age is an unemployed skateboarder who goes on road trips a lot and goes to freaky raves.

1. In 50 years, our nation's convalescent homes will be teeming with drooling obese people tapping their heads against the wall, chanting "ba-da-buh-buh-buh" over and over again.

Thanks for nothing, McDonalds.


Anonymous peter said...

#8 was my favorite, but "bloody ape stool" also brought a wide smile to my face.

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

#4 was my favorite. I lvoed watching "Mac and Me" growing up; which I have to wonder if the name "Mac" was purely coincidental.

The McDonald's scene was always one of my favorites.

McDonald's is, hoever, a favorite place of mine to frequent, as I find myself often in search of comfort food. It is tasty, but unsatisfying when the meal is over.

Alas, I keep returning.

The Hamburglar was always my favorite.

1:26 PM  
Blogger Tracey said...

I feel a little sad that this post made me hungry for some McDonald's. I'm even more sad that there doesn't happen to be a McDonald's in a 15-mile radius of my college. I live on the outskirts of society.

Hence the love of McDonald's.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Adam Omelianchuk said...

I loved this post even though I ate at MacDonalds this week.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Allie said...

Hilarious. That is all.

12:38 PM  

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