Friday, September 07, 2007

WEEKEND EDITION: TOP TENS

Welcome to an arbitrary decision on TPWK. Top Ten Fridays! Here’s where I countdown the top ten of something. And you read it. And maybe you comment. You know, it’s really up to you how or whether you interact with it. I’ll be bored with it in three weeks anyway, so don’t invest too much into it.

This week, I rate the top ten fast food side items. Who gets fast food for the burgers anyway?

10. Potato Oles – Taco Johns: Fried mini-hashbrown discs. Sometimes with cheese sauce. I don’t know what it has to do with tacos, but that cowboy monkey sure knows what the hell he is doing. Assuming they were his idea, of course. Seriously, is there any other reason why Taco John’s should exist?

9. Coffee – Dunkin’ Donuts: Dunkin’ Donuts sells more coffee than any other coffee maker in the United States. That is completely ridiculous and also apparently true.

8. Chili – Wendy’s: Can someone explain to me why soup is so damn expensive. That café downstairs charges like $4.29 for a bowl. Even Denny’s doesn’t let you off the hook. Unless, of course, you order an entrée, in which case places practically give it away. That doesn’t make any sense. Wendy’s, however, makes oodles of sense, charging $1 for a cup of chili that, while certainly devoid of any kick, is meaty and tasty and reasonably healthy.

7. Onion Chips – White Castle: These little bastards were so successful they compelled White Castle to make the tragic decision to start offering chicken rings. These were a high-school staple at lunchtime. Like all things White Castle, they are more ironic than good.

6. Curly Fries- Arby’s: More of a historical pick here. Just when French fries were getting boring, this innovation forced other fast food establishments to step up their game. Thank you Arby’s, for everything you have done, except for killing Barry White and replacing him with that insipid oven mitt.

5. Apples in Sauce – Boston Market: Now this is how you do fruit. Take an apple, and drown it in a sugary sauce. It’s as American as, um, then continuing to put the apples in a crust, I suppose. BOOM! Whatever happened to Boston Market anyway?

4. Root Beer Float – A&W: An instant classic. The only downside is that it is very easy to make at home, and that actually going to A&W means eating and/or sniffing a fast-food chili cheese dog.

3. French Fries – Inn n’ Out: Vastly underrated reason for visiting the best fast food chain on earth. Robust and succulent, but not greasy. The process by which these are made literally violates the law. That tells you something.

2. Chicken McNuggets – McDonalds: The first fast food item to make people stand up and say “okay, now this is just not real food.” Who cares? They come with honey mustard. Everyone likes honey mustard.

1. The Biscuit – KFC: When you think of the word biscuit, you think of KFCs biscuit. I went to a biscuit-related focus group, and the reference point was a KFC biscuit. They might as well have invented the damn thing. If they had called them popperies, we would call other biscuits popperies the way we call all dessert gelatins Jell-O and all cotton ear swabs Q-Tips. That’s how you own a side item.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Roger said...

Popeye's biscuits make KFC's biscuits taste like the stale excrement of a yellow Labrador on meth.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

1) There is one Popeyes in Minnesota, and it is in a nasty part of town.

2) Everything at Popeyes costs like $15.

5:45 PM  
Anonymous Roger said...

Neither point changes the truth inherent in my observation.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Deanna Regina said...

i love chicken nuggets...in fact one time a date asked me where i wanted to go out for dinner...yeah, we ate chicken nuggets, it was the best date i've ever been on.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

I can down a 20 piece without any hesitation.

Sorry to hear about your loss, btw. Awhile back, I blogged about going to a funeral in Michigan.

12:34 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home