Monday, January 07, 2008

Monday Musings

Better late than never, eh? Let's roll.

I recently got a new cell phone. Since I have gotten my new cell phone, I have been called approximately 50 times by a 972 area code. I would pick up the phone, only to hear a loud screeching sound, like a fax machine on methamphetamines. The thing would even leave messages.

My agitation compelled me to finally dial the number that had been the source of my agony. It turned out to be a defunct number for OnStar, the in-car emergency service of some repute. A call to the company revealed that OnStar subscribers were automatically transferred to my cell phone in their time of peril. Hit the OnStar button, get me. Or, rather, irritate me. Repeatedly.

Suffice to say, I won't be paying to have this particular feature installed in my automobile anytime soon.

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R.T. Rybak announced his new anti-crime initiative. What does the doe-eyed dumbass propose to do now to combat the rising crime rates in our city? A youth mentoring program. Awwwww....

Meanwhile, my weekly poker game got off to a peculiar start, as the hosts forced us to immediately lock the door behind us. After a spell, they explained the situation. Seems some decidedly unmentored thugs decided to break into their neighbor's house on New Year's Eve, beating the wife and shooting the husband to death.

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The news reports suggested that the murderers may have had the wrong house. I agree. The real money is in those big houses around Lake Calhoun. Maybe if the unmentored could do us the favor of offing a couple of Pillsbury pony boys we could get have some real change in this city.

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McCain is in the lead! Nationally.... In New Hampshire. Most everywhere. The National Review has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for the Republican nomination. I am sympathetic to their arguments, but utterly convinced that a Romney nomination is the first sentence in the acceptance speech of...

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Barack Obama! Hillary Clinton threw in the towel today, breaking down and sobbing at a public campaign appearance. Did anyone see THAT coming. She totally Howard Deaned. She Deaned everywhere. I even got some Dean splattered on my sportcoat.

Who told her to cry? Why was that a good idea. I do not, for one second, believe that this woman is capable of a spontaneous emotion. So some communications-somebody thought to himself "let's have Hillary cry today." That communications-somebody is going to be a fired communications-somebody tomorrow.

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I'd say the communications-somebody who told Bill to say that he can't make Hillary younger or taller should be fired, but I have a strong suspicion that little sound bite was straight from the horse's mouth.

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So, the Golden Globes are cancelled. That's weird, and seems a curious way to rally the public behind the plight of unionized screenwriters (note to Hollywood, nobody really cares about the plight of any of you, screenwriters, sexy actors, or key grips... Seriously, nobody... Unless you're on drugs. Then we care about you immensely for some damn reason.)

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For Christmas, I got a new dartboard. It's very nice. Good call, wife. One curious feature... The dartboard insults you while you play. If you take too long, the dartboard asks "what are you waiting for?" If you miss your mark, the dartboard dismisses your ability as a player with such handy remarks as "you're all over the place".

The dartboard is wanton with sassafrass. It also hurts my feelings. I think I am going to Hillary...

1 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

Loved that bit about your new cell phone. You are literally being called to help people in peril Kevin.
Not everyone can say that. Ain't that somethin? :)

I agree. Who cares about Hollywood?
I only watch Doctor Who- a product of the BBC.

I thought it was too early for Hillary to be so desperate and play her "woman card". Maybe she thought it would trump the "race card"???
What's with Huckabee and chuck Norris anyway??? I don't follow politics enough to know these things.

9:45 AM  

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