Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Recap and Predictions

Wow, 2007 sure flew by, didn't it? Wasn't that a nice, homey way to introduce a throwaway post? Today, I give you my top ten notable events from 2007, and ten predictions for 2008.

Notable events from 2007.

1. The Iraqi surge has been dubbed a success far before it has actually become one. Nonetheless, it has given the American populace reason to treat the situation in Iraq with the patience it deserves. It (along with the TPWK endorsement) has also reversed the political fortunes of one John McCain, who has won me over in spite of (and, perhaps, because of) his political sharkiness. The arbitrary partisan lines that had been drawn around this war are fading, and America is no longer viewing the war on terror as a referendum on President Bush. That is a good thing.

Prediction: The improvement continues, and McCain (if he is nominated) or Hillary (if he is not) take the presidency on a hawkish platform.

2. I (and a few other folks from my church) became a small part of the housing crisis, as millions of people lost their homes to foreclosure thanks to shady mortgage lenders like, you know who...

Prediction: "You know who" gets 2-4 years in "you know where". I stop blogging about the issue forever, but will get invited out for lunch nonetheless.

3. Movies made a come back. "No Country for Old Men" is a masterpiece of contemporary cinema. "Juno" is a delight. Judd Apatow has changed the rules for summer blockbusters (they have to be entertaining now, as opposed to merely insipid). Preachy liberal movies tanked both critically and commercially, and I am excited to go to the movies for the first time in ages.

Prediction: Will Ferell makes the same movie he's made 23 times now, Nicholas Cage stars in unwatchable dreck, and Hollywood tries to cash in on the Apatow craze by dropping three dozen movies on us that succeed in being vulgar. I mock the first person who tells me "I saw the knew John Heder movie, and it wasn't very good."

4. Islam continued to do its thing.

Prediction: Islam will continue to do its thing.

5. LeBron James dropped 29 consecutive points for the Cleveland Cavaliers, leading them to victory over the Detroit Pistons in game five of the 2007 Eastern conference finals on the most depressing night of my year.

Prediction: Kevin Garnett " " " " " " Boston Celtics, " " " " " " " " " " " " " 2008 " " " " " " " " " " " ".

6. Men continued to wear form fitting clothing. Seriously, aren't we due for a change. I mean, we had the thing where gay people told us what to wear (not that gay people can't be men too, you know what I mean) and we had the thing where Jimmy Fallon dictated fashion to us for some reason. I want Brett Favre to retire and start a clothing line so that I can finally stop tussling my hair and seeing my nipples through my t-shirt. Seriously, unconfortable clothing is for chicks. Dudes unite.

Prediction: Brett Favre doesn't retire. Dudes don't unite. I spend $17 on spray wax. My wife approves.

7. Tech boom!

Prediction: Tech bust.

8. Mike Huckabee!

Prediction: Joel Osteen!

9. The Writers Guild strike failed to generate any momentum, though it did force several Late Night talk shows to go into reruns. I can't imagine that anyone noticed, considering that Letterman and Leno have become so nauseatingly formulaic that they have ceased to be relevant to anyone under the age of 60.

Prediction: Conan comes back tonight, sans writing team, which will be the most entertaining television in a very, very long time. Leno sucks.

10. Second crappiest year of my life.

Prediction: Seventh best year of my life.


Blogger Roger said...

Just because the gay men tell you what to wear doesn't mean you have to listen.

5:46 AM  

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