Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Salvia Will Kill Your Soul

Whilst meandering about my web portal of choice, I noticed a headline I read as "scientists fear saliva could become next marijuana." Overjoyed on behalf of drummers everywhere, I clicked the link to find that, salvia, a natural herb not produced by any sort of gland, is responsible for the hysteria. The article is a veritable hoot. Selected excerpts with my responses below.

salvia is being targeted by lawmakers concerned that the inexpensive and easy-to-obtain plant could become the next marijuana.

Which, if they ban it, and spend billions of dollars prosecuting its use, will be precisely the case.

Eight states have already placed restrictions on salvia, and 16 others, including Florida, are considering a ban or have previously.

I want to live in one of the states that had previously considered it, but where cooler heads prevailed. Maybe, they'd say something like:

"As soon as we make one drug illegal, kids start looking around for other drugs they can buy legally. This is just the next one,"
Exactly... Oh, wait...

said Florida state Rep. Mary Brandenburg, who has introduced a bill to make possession of salvia a felony punishable by up to five years in prison.

So the fact that kids will just find another easy, legal drug to use is an argument for attaching a prison sentence to its use? Is Florida now located in Thailand?

Some say legislators are overreacting to a minor problem, but no one disputes that the plant impairs judgment and the ability to drive.

In that case, Minnesotans will be unable to purchase it on Sundays for some reason, except in restaurants.

Called nicknames like Sally-D, Magic Mint and Diviner's Sage,

Gayest drug nicknames ever. I'm guessing most users just call it salvia, but that those who advocate a ban needed nicknames to scare parents into hysterical acquiescence. Why? Read on.

Unlike hallucinogens like LSD or PCP, however, salvia's effects last for a shorter time, generally up to an hour.
In other words, it lasts about 15 minutes.

Nancy: I think your son might be using Salvia

Roberta: What's salvia?

Nancy: It is an herb that will alter his state of consciousness for a few minutes.

Roberta: Sounds like video games.

Nancy: They call it Sally-D!

Roberta: What!? (Puts gun in mouth, pulls trigger)

No known deaths have been attributed to salvia's use, but it was listed as a factor in one Delaware teen's suicide two years ago. According to reports, the autopsy found no traces of the drug in his system, but the medical examiner listed it as a contributing cause.

His friends call him Salvia Plath... Ba-dum, bum. Other contributing factors in his suicide were a Subway BMT, his 1993 Honda, Republicans in general, and jazz choir practice.

"Parents, I would say, are pretty clueless," said Jonathan Appel an assistant professor of psychology and criminal justice at Tiffin University...
Thank you for your contribution, Jonathan. An assistant professor at Tiffin University is now the foremost expert on parenting and drug abuse in America? That explains a lot.

Mike Strain, Louisiana's Agriculture and Forestry Commissioner and former legislator, helped his state in 2005 become the first to make salvia illegal

I'm glad the forestry commissioner is calling the shots in Lousiana.

"I got some hostile e-mails from people who sold these products," Strain said. "You don't make everybody happy when you outlaw drugs. You save one child and it's worth it."

Yeah, 2005 was a banner year for saving lives in Louisiana. On one hand, a hurricane destroyed our largest city while we weren't paying attention. On the other hand, we band a harmless herb, so it all works out. Pass the Corn Pops.

And in some cases the extract comes in flavors including apple, strawberry and spearmint.

Tagline: Taste the rainbow, then see the rainbow.

Web sites such as Salviadragon.com tout the product with images like a waterfall and rainbow and include testimonials like "It might sound far fetched, but I experience immortality."

Note to Salviadragon.com, people are trying to ban your source of revenue. Take this testimonial off your website, for crying out loud.

Among those who believe the commotion over the drug is overblown is Rick Doblin of the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies

Yet another credible source for this story. Did Rick Doblin go to Bennington?

Doblin said salvia isn't "a party drug," "tastes terrible" and is "not going to be extremely popular."
Whereas crack tastes great, I hear. Besides, Sally-D now comes in zesty apple!

Florida state Sen. Evelyn Lynn, whose committee plans to study the salvia bill Tuesday, said the drug should be criminalized.

Glad to see she took time to form an opinion on the issue before studying it. I wonder what the study will conclude??? I'd seriously consider fetching some salvia and reviewing it on my blog, but I can't imagine how Minnesota would not be one of the first eight states to ban it. We legalized oral sex less than a decade age. We're the Georgia of the north, minus Christianity and economic growth.

But yes, let's all pray that somehow our nation can avert this non-crisis. Did I mention that we have prescription drugs in our water supply! BIRD FLUUUUUUU!!!!!!

14 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

Your tagline just sold me on it.
Seriously, one day people are probably going to learn to make drugs from just about every plant or combinations of plants.
One can get high from just about any household cleaning product and if that's not enough just go back to old school rubber cement and permanent markers.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Jerad said...

Did you catch this last week? Sally-D is in the hood, and the City of St. Paul may soon be an illegal dealer.

But more to the point: so oral sex is legal now?

2:47 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

So, is it illegal. Did the voice vote ban the whole dealio?

So, in Minneapolis, autombobile theft = no penalty. Using some weird herb that was legal two weeks ago = five years in prison.

But yes, oral sex is now legal, but not after 8pm, or 10pm on Fridays and Saturdays.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Marianne said...

Hysterical blog post. Thanks.

3:24 PM  
Anonymous Jon D said...

I just finished reading the same article about Sally-D before coming to your blog; Thanks for the added commentary! And now I know your "web portal of choice".

4:15 PM  
Blogger renee said...

true true - except for the fact that the same tone could be taken about weed if it wasn't already illegal and someone suggested it should be.

see: mike skinner for hilarity on the point. alcohol makes people fight each other and take risks while driving. weed just makes them play video games, which they'd be doing anyway. and no hallucinating/rollercoaster-mood-shift when coming down from the high.

but i guess that's how we like to spend our money in this country.

5:42 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

I'm for legalizing marijuana.

6:35 PM  
Blogger renee said...

holla!

9:25 AM  
Blogger Margot said...

Hello,

My name is Margot and I'm the webmaster of http://www.salvia-divinorum-extract-now.com/
I wanted to know if you could do a paid UNBIASED review of our product/site.


Please let me know if you are interested.

Thank you,


Margot Bree

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

god, people are fucking idiots - particularly religious people and politicians. Christianity has fucked more peoples' lives up than a thousand vials of crack; ban christianity, not salvia.

6:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm 21 years old now. I made the choice along time ago to experience life to the fullest. I made a rule for myself; I'll try anyone once to see what its like, twice if I like it. In the short 21 years of my life, I've smoked(for about a decade) Marijuana, I've experienced cocaine, crack, speed, mushrooms, peyote, LSD, DMT, Mescaline (I know but its different than peyote), and most recently Salvia D. About 30 minutes ago, I experienced my 5th dose of Salvia. It seems to me that there is more to this herb than what anyone wants to share. For one, there's a feeling of being transported into another world, not unlike that of DMT. I strongly believe that salvia is a gateway drug, and not like how they labeled Marijuana. Its the gate to hell. It is NOT the marijuana-alternative that it has been labeled as, if you want a marijuana-alternative try Kava Kava, Valarian or Dagg Root. they are herbs with sedative-like effects. Salvia Divinorum is unparalleled by any other herb on the face of our planet. This herb transports ones consciousness / spirit entity into a different dimension (or maybe just brings this dimension to our conscious awareness) and this dimension, in my opinion is NOT the 'spirit' world as many say. I've read experiences reporting speaking with 'spirit guides' and im sure that is their truth. I truly believe this herb is against the wishes of the God of Abraham and Isaac. Salvia may well indeed literally kill the soul, or at least tarnish it in a very different way. With our experiences with Salvia my friends and I have all felt around the same effects.. being transported to this 'place' that is ruled by a female goddess/queen type creature. The only parallel we could come up with that would make sense to anyone exterior is its like walking through the Wardrobe to be greeted by the Witches minions. I believe this is a dark place, and we should not be fooled by the kindness and peaceful feelings. For even Lucifer is an angel of light. I like to consider myself a psychonaut, trying to experience all sides of life. This place, my friends, is not where you want your soul to go. When I say this I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart and what is left of my soul...
Here, there be monsters.

11:50 AM  
Anonymous DJ Dinnermoney said...

To that anonymous 'christian psychonaut' above, no, don't be fooled by 'the kindness and peaceful feelings', trust instead the western intellectual tradition!

I'm certain that Sally shouldn't be taken recreationally but it should be taken lightly i.e. with light (praise Lucifer).

I hope it is against 'the wishes of the God of Abraham' et al as he seems like quite an arsehole.

I would say, take it if you're on a sincere 'shamanic' quest otherwise steer clear, it knows your intentions! Only brave souls should venture into hell.

p.s. what makes you think that you've earnt such a thing as a 'soul' yet?

7:01 PM  
Anonymous myskyren said...

To the guy who said that he's sure salvia is against the will of god...

what? Based on what? Based on your personal experience? If you'd read up on salvia you'd have noticed that people need to be in a certain mindset to get a message that doesn't just scare the shit out of them.
Do you think that just MAYBE, you weren't ready for whatever it had to tell you? That maybe, on salvia, things that seem to threaten your life or your way of living get transformed into something scary? After all, on salvia, it seems that physicality, perception, mind, spirit .. all merge to an extent. Scary ideas take on scary manifestations.

And why is this herb against god if god created it? What the hell is god's problem, that he keeps creating all these evil terrible things? It's like when people say magic is against god, even though miracles are magic. If god didn't want us using plants like this, then he's pretty bloody retarded for giving them hallucinogenic effects and making them accessible to us.

3:18 PM  
Anonymous j t said...

Demons I say!

7:23 PM  

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