Tuesday, June 17, 2008

An interview with a KFC Biscuit

Every now and then, my blog affords me the opportunity to interview various newsmakers. Today, I am honored to interview the KFC biscuit. Long considered the standard-bearer for the way biscuits should taste, the KFC biscuit enjoys a proud history amongst the legions of fast food comestibles. Without further adieu, I'd like to welcome the KFC biscuit.

KFC Biscuit: Thank you for having me.

TPWK: It is an honor. Now, I think everyone was taken aback by your early endorsement of Bob Barr, the Libertarian Party's candidate for the presidency. Why did you feel it was important to take this stance now?

KFC Biscuit: I think, in America, we have embraced the two-party paradigm... And, make no mistake, I am not a pie-in-the sky optimist with respect to the power of third parties to...

TPWK: You are not a pie at all, in fact.

KFC Biscuit: A different pastry entirely.

TPWK: On this, we are agreed.

KFC Biscuit: At any rate, I think Rep. Barr brings the, as they say in the beltway, "gravitas" to cast a shadow on this mockery of an election.

TPWK: You, then, are of the mind that the two parties are the same.

KFC Biscuit: With the exception of so-called "hot button" issues, this is manifestly true. Americans have dispensed with ideological considerations when electing a president, and I find that problematic.

TPWK: Now, your past writings do not necessarily suggest a libertarian stance. You initially supported the Iraq War, for example.

KFC Biscuit: And I still think that was the right decision. But the intrusions upon our liberty, vis a vis the Patriot Act et al... When viewed in tandem with a seemingly endless conflict in the Middle East, gives the impression of profound hubris on our part.

TPWK: We are overreaching, then.

KFC Biscuit: Overreaching, yes. Moreso, we are overexerting. Our government under George Bush has become more centralized, not less. In this election, John McCain is offering more of the same, and we certainly cannot rely on Barack Obama to turn the tide.

TPWK: And Bob Barr is the answer.

KFC Biscuit: You know as well as I do that one needn't be elected to influence an election. Ask any Democrat about Ralph Nader's impact...

TPWK: So you see your endorsement as an act of disruption, then?

KFC Biscuit: Disruption. Yes. I think that is the word. We need to jog America out of our two-party complacence.

TPWK: Some would say acquiescence.

KFC Biscuit: No, I don't think we are quite there yet. But we are perilously close to losing our representation in this so-called representative democracy.

TPWK: Do you think the war on terror is to blame?

KFC Biscuit: I do not accept the premise of the question. How can we conduct a war against a concept? This is the slipperiest of slopes. What constitutes terror? Doessupport of a third-party candidate, disruptive as it is, constitute terror? Who gets to define terror? These are questions the American people are not asking.

TPWK: And Bob Barr is asking those questions.

KFC Biscuit: He is asking us to ask those questions.

TPWK: Interesting. Shifting gears here, anytime someone runs for public office, people will have the opportunity to elect them.

KFC Biscuit: Correct.

TPWK: Now, and we have seen this right here in Minnesota, there is a genuine possibility that a third party candidate might actually be elected. My question to you is, what happens if?

KFC Biscuit: Well, that's what I think Barr brings to the Libertarian party. I spoke earlier of gravitas, but Rep. Barr certainly has the policy experience.

TPWK: Do you think he would make a good president?

KFC Biscuit: Absolutely. That's the value of having Rep. Barr on the ticket. The
What If?" connundrum does not apply, at least in my view.

TPWK: And so why a Bob Barr instead of a Ron Paul? Paul certainly established a track record of raising money and garnering support. Couldn't he carry the mantle.

KFC Biscuit: I think the difference here is that Rep. Barr knows how to get things done. Rep. Paul, and I have nothing but respect for the man, is viewed as something of an outsider. He is something of a walking conscience for the Republican party.

TPWK: Isn't this election, at least by your standards, about conscience, to some degree?

KFC Biscuit: Sure. But I think we have a question of stated aims. Ron Paul ran in an effort to shake up the Republican party. Without rendering judgment, I think we need a broader aims. BOTH parties have been shocked into complacency, as it were...

TPWK: Can Bob Barr speak to both parties? He was notoriously unpopular with Democrats.

KFC Biscuit: He is unpopular with the party faithful, but such people are immovable. You know and I know that the Democratic nomination process was a sham, which produced an arbitrary result. There are a lot of frustrated Democrats out there.

TPWK: So you don't think Bob Barr can cost McCain an election.

KFC Biscuit: The only person who can cost John McCain the election is John McCain. Each candidate runs on his or her own merits. The idea that we should, as it were, "play ball" by violating our conscience strikes me as a violation of the very liberty we enjoy in a democracy.

TPWK: Is this election about democracy?

KFC Biscuit: Any election is an exercise in democracy. We hold our leaders accountable. Each vote is an act of rebellion against tyranny. This is why I initially supported the Iraq War. I believe in the power of democracy.

TPWK: Are we at the precipice of tyranny, in your view?

KFC Biscuit: Let me give you an example. President Ahmadinejad is the "elected" leader of Iran. But he was chosen and groomed by the religious outfit that truly runs the country.

TPWK: I don't think any serious person considers Iran a democracy.

KFC Biscuit: Exactly. The people of Iran are given "choices" based on the desired outcomes of a handful of elite. Now, let's look at the election in America. We have the choice between a man who was chosen to speak at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. People speak of Hillary's inevitability, but how about this guy?

TPWK: And John McCain is not a reasonable alternative?

KFC Biscuit: John McCain was the man Republicans decided on after the other candidates didn't focus group well. I mean, what is a caucus if not a glorified focus group?

TPWK: And so McCain is the lesser of a number of evils.

KFC Biscuit: At best. He certainly doesn't carry with him a mandate for change. Your looking at a man who has spent the last two years kowtowing to party interests.

TPWK: And so the system is broken.

KFC Biscuit: The system is fine. The system allows Rep. Barr to make his case before the American people. I plan to help him do just that.

TPWK: And with that, I'll give you the final word. I'd like to thank the KFC Biscuit for stopping by. One thing we can all agree on is that this is an important election, and every American should take part.

KFC Biscuit: Absolutely. Absolutely.


Blogger Roger said...

Popeye's biscuits are better. This is why I vote Republican.

4:52 PM  
Anonymous Thom said...

I am curious to hear the rebuttal from Byerly's cole slaw.

8:42 AM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...


I'm pretty sure Popeye's biscuits are for Obama.

10:54 AM  

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