Wednesday, July 23, 2008

An Interview With Brett Favre

Every now and then, my blog affords me the opportunity to talk with various newsmakers. As you are already aware, Brett Favre has set the sportsworld ablaze with his announcement that he wants to return to football. However, his former team, the Green Bay Packers, has insisted that he will not start for them this year. As the controversy unfolds, I'd like to welcome Brett Favre to TPWK.

Brett Favre: Thank you for having me.

TPWK: Thank you for taking the time.

Brett Favre: I just want everyone to know that I am innocent.

TPWK: You are speaking now of the charges that you reached out to the Minnesota Vikings, which some have suggested...

Brett Favre: No, I totally called them. I'm here today to tell you that I did not kill my wife.

TPWK: Your wife? Um, I was unaware...

Brett Favre: I don't know where these allegations are coming from.

TPWK: To the best of my knowledge, she is still alive. I spoke with her for a few minutes before you got here.

Brett Favre: That's what I've been trying to tell you.

TPWK: She said she had to go get some wine for a fundraiser. But she'll be back.

Brett Favre: Yes, she'll be back. I keep telling myself that. (sobs)

TPWK: In fact, I would think that to be the likely outcome. The store is three blocks away. She didn't even have to...

Brett Favre: Why won't anyone believe me????

TPWK: Um, I believe you.

Brett Favre: Good, we'll take your car.

TPWK: Take my car where?

Brett Favre: I need to get away. Lay low for a while.

TPWK: And I need to come as well.

Brett Favre: Your my only friend in this world.

TPWK: That seems very unlikely.

Brett Favre: If we leave now, we'll arrive at the border by 8 p.m.

TPWK: You want me to drive you to Canada?

Brett Favre: Winnipeg. Nobody knows me up there.

TPWK: I'm fairly certain they do.

Brett Favre: I've got a cabin, but it isn't under my name. I can come up with a plan.

TPWK: Part of me doubts this plan will be reasonable.

Brett Favre: After a couple of months, I'll come back, but in disguise.

TPWK: That is certainly unreasonable.

Brett Favre: Do you have a gun?

TPWK: I am not giving you a gun.

Brett Favre: Right. They'll check for prints.

TPWK: Your wife is back. Should I let her in, or???

Brett Favre: Yes, great idea. She'll explaing everything.

Mrs. Favre: Um, Brett, I got 10 bottles of Yellow Tail Chardonnay, and 10 of the Cab. is that what you...

Brett Favre: No time!!!

Mrs. Favre: What, I...

Brett Favre: (running out the door) I am alooooooooone!

TPWK: What was that about?

Mrs. Favre: I dunno. He always does this.

TPWK: Fascinating.

Mrs. Favre: Yeah... You know what his charity tonight is for? Deer habitat restoration.

TPWK: I see...

Mrs. Favre: I mean, who gives a #$%!?

TPWK: ....

Mrs. Favre: You know what? Screw it. Charity time starts early (opens a bottle of wine and begins drinking from it).

TPWK: Well, that's all the time we have for today. I'd like to thank the Favre's for stopping by...

Mrs. Favre: You know, sometimes I wish he would just kill me. Get it over with... You know?

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