Friday, October 24, 2008

I am an Obama donor!

Yes. It's true. Barack Obama has a game where you can donate under any name you like. Instead of following fuddy-duddy election laws, which were enacted to preserve our Democracy or some other nonsense, you can donate money as anyone you choose, so long as you have a relatively valid credit card.

So I gave $5 to, um, hope. Or, rather, the following person did so:

Name:

Eric Blair

Address:

4930 Oceania Blvd
Victory Gin, MN 46321

E-mail:

emmanuel@goldstein.com

Phone:

(612) 666-1984

Employer:

Big Brother

Occupation:

Inner Party

You see what I did there, folks. That's what I call a subtle literary reference. Boom.

And if you have $5, you, too, can help perpetuate what certainly is not election fraud. Tell 'em O'Brien sent ya!

UPDATE

Alas, though well intentioned, Starsy McStripes of 5440 Polk Avenue West, who resides in the industrious town of Patriotfondle, Guam, had his gift of $10 rejected (immediately) by the McCain campaign.

Why? Was it his angry e-mail address (nra4ever@colddeadhands.com)? Was it the fact that he was referred to the campaign by the leader of Kenya? Maybe it was his suspect passport number (47). Or maybe it was just an auto-check that the McCain campaign uses to sort out illegal donations.

Either way, say a prayer for poor Starsy, whose voice will never be heard.

16 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

"To comply with Federal law, we must use best efforts to obtain, maintain, and submit the name, mailing address, occupation and name of employer of individuals whose contributions exceed $200 per calendar year."

I love the best efforts part. Like we'll use best efforts not to raise taxes and to shelter homeless kittens.

Love watching Obama read the teleprompter during his little speech. He's funny.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Jerad said...

I'd be curious to learn how this experience compared with your donations to McCain.

2:01 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

See the update.

2:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good. I plan to report you for fraud and I hope you go to jail. Is that what your church teaches you-- to lie?

6:54 AM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

Let me know how that goes. Before you get the cops on the line, you might examine the definition of fraud, and whether it is legally possible to defraud one's self.

And yes, my church (which, of course, commissioned this post) teaches me to lie. We learn to do so in our Republican brainwashing seminars.

Would you like to come to a seminar? There's free punch.

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

II. Complaint: Early Stages
Receipt of Complaint

The Office of General Counsel (OGC) reviews each complaint to determine whether it states a violation within the jurisdiction of the Commission and satisfies the above criteria for a proper complaint. If the complaint does not meet these requirements, OGC notifies the complainant of the deficiencies.

Once a complaint is deemed sufficient, OGC assigns it a Matter Under Review (MUR) number, acknowledges receipt of the complaint and informs the complainant that the Commission will notify him or her when the entire case is resolved. Until then, the Commission is required by law to keep its actions regarding the MUR confidential.

Notice to Respondent

Within 5 days after receiving a proper complaint, OGC sends each respondent a copy of the complaint and a description of the Commission's compliance procedures. The respondent has 15 days from the date of receipt to respond in writing, explaining why no action should be taken. In the case of a complaint that does not satisfy the requirements (see above), the respondent nevertheless receives a copy of the complaint and a letter explaining that the complainant has 15 days to correct the complaint. If the complainant corrects and refiles the complaint, the respondent is sent a copy of the corrected complaint and is given 15 days to submit a response to the Commission.
Respondent's Counsel

A respondent who wants to be represented by legal counsel must inform the Commission by sending a "statement of designation of counsel." This document, signed by the respondent, must include a statement authorizing the counsel to receive all communications from the Commission on behalf of the respondent and include the counsel's name, address and telephone number. Once the Commission receives the "statement of designation of counsel," the agency will communicate only with the counsel unless otherwise authorized by the respondent.

7:56 PM  
Anonymous Clint said...

....and that's why I label myself a-political. Filing a grievance over $5. Let's all take ourselves a little less seriously.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

Well, he's just cut and pasting language from a government website.

You don't have to apolitical. Just vote Republican.

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Would you like to come to a seminar? There's free punch."

Judging from the way you write and you views, it is probably the Jim Jones type of punch

6:28 AM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

Yep, that was the joke. I'm glad you got it, crazy cakes.

3:51 PM  
Anonymous Rypick said...

Ha ha ha! He's reporting you for fraud because you donated $5 to his candidate! Hilarious!

7:59 AM  
Blogger soup said...

You views be all Jim Jones and shit

12:11 PM  
Blogger soup said...

Yeah, Kevin. You views is all jim jones and shit.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Jerad said...

Hm... "Eric Blair" vs. "Starsy McStripes." I wonder why one name raised a quicker flag than the other? Let Mr. Blair hedge his bet with McCain and the experiences will be comparable.

On the kudos side, this counts as actual reporting. Good job!

4:03 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

More than can be said for the New York Times, though I hear Palin has some nice new sandals that she'll be unveiling at a North Carolina rally.

Eric Blair yields a similar result, for the reason that McCain has basic security checks in place that Barack Obama's team manually disengaged. If elected, this will be the first scandal of his presidency, as the anonymous fellow above is actively reporting this development to the Feds.

4:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:25 PM  

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