Friday, October 10, 2008

A Media Request

Now, I know that I am but a humble Blogger, but I would like to make a request of news media at large. Bear with me folks, but I believe my demands are reasonable.

Please, for the love of God, show me more maudlin shots of stock-brokers.

Seriously. I cannot possibly process the significance of a four-figure DOW without the candid repose of some guy who is either under immense stress or (less likely) politely belching. Were it not for these photos, I would have no idea as to whether the market is up or down.

Frankly, I don't care if the guy is even a stock broker. He just needs to be forlorn, with ticker symbols behind him. The ticker symbols are key. Otherwise, I'm just looking at some idiot who is unhappy/constipated. I demand real journalism.

Also, if the ticker is reflecting the stock price of Merryl Lynch or an American automobile manufacturer, that will really bring the whole thing closer to home. Want a pulitzer? Give me Ford down 8 points on the day.

Oh, and don't think I am content with just one such picture. Throughout the day, I expect to see a pastiche consisting of miserable stock-brokers, furrowing their brow in disbelief at the entirely predictable pandemonium that surrounds them.

John McCain? Screw him. He embodies nothing but politics. No, my lust for all things depressing can only be sated by the photo of a lone stock-broker, squinting at the end of a long days work. Otherwise, I won't even read your damn article.

Oh, and they'd better be sweaty. My uninformed notion of what, precisely, occurs on a trading floor demands that any photographed subject be stewing in his own man-sweat. That makes the whole thing real for me. I like it.

At any rate, please honor my demands. In the meantime, I will simply cash out my 401k and purchase gold coins. Commercials told me the bottom will never fall out of the gold market. If more people listened to cheaply-produced commercials, we woulnd't be in this mess.


A Swing Voter


Blogger renee said...

wait.... is something wrong with the economy? gas is so cheap right now!

2:12 AM  

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