Monday, November 03, 2008

Pre-election meanderings

With the election about to get underway, I want you to know that TPWK is your resource for obsessively checking on election commentary. Seriously, you can watch Candy Crowley pontificate on numbers that do not exist for 11 hours, or you can hit me up.

Also joining my on this pseudo-live-Blogging excursion will be the cat. Be sure to check the Smartycat blog throughout the day for realtime musings from everyone's favorite implausible animal. I thought I'd get things started with a pre-election back and forth. Without any further adieu, I welcome the cat.

Cat: Thanks for having me on your blog.

TPWK: No problem. I should get started by saying I am having trouble concentrating, with the announced trade of Chauncey Billups for Allen Iverson.

Cat: How fitting that we should kickoff our election coverage by discussion the relative merits of a trade executed by two non-local basketball teams.

TPWK: Too parochial?

Cat: If your blog had a tagline, it would be "Bifurcated Parochialism".

TPWK: Isn't that an oxymoron?

Cat: Cripes, man, I'm a cat.

TPWK: Fair enough, who do you think emerges the victor, tonight?

Cat: Well, with dramatic voter turnout, the clear winner is American Democracy.

TPWK: Do you really believe that?

Cat: Of course not. Obama wins.

TPWK: Trite sentiment is not your wheelhouse.

Cat: You want a real man? Vote !@#$ing McCain.

TPWK: You are mocking me, viz. a previously ecstatic post re: McCain

Cat: I mock the dog, viz. he ate two squirrels last night. You, I tolerate.

TPWK: Are we using "viz." correctly?

Cat: Does anyone?

TPWK: Moving on to less predicatable Minnesota races, Norm Coleman...

Cat: Al Franken writes rape jokes, or so I have come to understand.

TPWK: Yes, his previous writings have indicated...

Cat: For cats, there is no, per se, delineation between rape and normal intercourse.

TPWK: ...

Cat: Does this idea scare you?

TPWK: I can't even begin to answer that question.

Cat: And so I cannot answer your question. That said, I'll be opposing Keith Ellison. He seems the sort of fellow who sets fire to cats.

TPWK: Agreed.

Cat: Not so fond of Jews, either.

TPWK: No, not "per se".

Cat: I see what you did there, with the quotes. By the way, do you know what the dog is doing? He is rubbing his face against the recliner becuase it smells like our owner.

TPWK: Dogs are given to loyalty. That's Stalin.

Cat: No it isn't. The dog is ridiculous, in this state, heaving his jaw against the arm chair of the recliner, as though nuzzling a secret lover. Stalin would have no words.

TPWK: Well, that's all the time we have on TPWK. I'd like to thank the cat for stopping by.

Cat: I'm at my keyboard. Why the pretense? You just...

TPWK: Stay tuned throughout the day for our hard-hitting election coverage.

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