Friday, November 21, 2008

Top Ten Fridays - Overrated

Ten things that are overrated.

10. Pirates

Seriously, the Russians can't take care of the pirates? This is a nation that killed millions of people without anyone knowing about it. And now, pirates have them flummoxed? Some dictatorship. Putin is a weenie.

9. Lake Calhoun

Lake Calhoun has nothing going for it. It's crowded, full of bizarre people, and it's in Uptown. The path around it is just long enough that you get half way around before realizing that you are exhausted, which puts you in a bind, mathematically speaking. The neighborhood is home to affluent trust fund babies, who are my least favorite kinds of people. I'll take Theo Wirth anyday over this overhyped liberal Disneyland.

8. Gay Tolerance

Facing defeat in the California gay marriage amendment battle, California gay power advocates have levelled their wrath on Mormons and black people. Money quote, from a outraged fellow in West Hollywood:

"Those n-----s had better not come into our neighborhood, if they know what's best for them."

But where will the Los Angeles Clippers go to get their nails done?

7. Japanese Automobiles

Yes, they are better than America, and get better gas mileage. But a Toyota Corolla cost 1.5 times what a Ford Focus costs. Is that extra 2 mpg going to save you $5,000? Not unless you plan on driving 900,000 miles.

6. Macs

If you own stock in Apple, sell. In a down economy, nobody has the money to pay for a computer whose sole feature is a sleek design, or a $500 phone that doesn't work. Oh, and taking out an advertisement to criticize PC for spending money on advertising is a priceless piece of hypocrisy that only the ditziest Mac fanboy is going to overlook.

5. Hillary Clinton

Clinton as Secretary of State? Who is asking for this?

4. Diamonds

Nothing that exists in greater quantities than Spam ought to cost $2,500 per carat. And yet, men willfully pay absurd (and illegal) mark-ups for these not-particularly-precious gems as a sign that they are committed to the woman whose future bank account they are, essentially, plundering. Consider this: Why do diamonds have virtually no resale value?

And they call these modern times. Ladies, if your man goes into debt to pay for a wedding ring, leave him. A diamond is forever, but so is abject stupidity.

3. Assists

People respect assists so much that the Stuff White People Like blog even had a feature on it. For basketball fans, an assist is the closest possible approximation of Christ's love... Unselfish sacrifice in the name of the team (basketball fans tend to have a tenuous graps of theology).

Assists are also a lousy way to measure the quality of a player. When aggegated with made baskets, and weighed against turnovers, they help contribute to a measurement of a player's effectiveness. Other than that, rebounds are much more important.

2. Search Engines

The other day, I had a passing interest in the price of 30-year old Whiskey, in American dollars. In 2003, this would have been easy. Now, all you get is random clutter. Online stores that are out of business, random blogs that haven't been updated in 16 months, some city newspaper in Omaha and, of course, porn... Anything but the information you are looking for.

With advances in Social Media (insert cliche about Social Media impact on the Internet), will we begin to trust links from friends over the vagaries of search engine optimatization?

1. Home Ownership

In 2005, everyone with a real job got the same advice. Don't piss your money away on renting. Buy a house, and pro-actively hemmorhage money from your anus. Now, those same people who were dispensing stupid advice (I was one of them) are advising friends and family to cash in their 401k and avoid the housing market like the plague.

Lesson learned. Going forward, whenever I have a financial decision to make, I am going to get a consensus opinion from a dozen or so folks, and then do precisely the opposite. People are stupid. I'm buying stock.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Jake O. said...

i love macs and toyota autos. i also like the ford focus. i love my overpriced home.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Jerad said...

Lake Calhoun is 3 miles around. That's not "exhausted," it's a warm-up. Unless you're anticipating such a bad economy that you're trying to soften your legs for future consumption, you should be able to walk 1/4 of what your grandmother did to school each day.

11:23 AM  

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