Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I told you so...

I warned you.

Last week, while everyone was enthralled with the majesty of the sun's renaissance, I foretold the snows of eight days later. Sure enough, Fox Nine Weatherman Keith Marler woke up on a blustery Wednesday morning and grinned. He had tricked us, and eagerly awaited the revelation of our delusion.

Marler (aka Deathspawn) almost certainly woke up, sat at his breakfast nook, and consumed his daily glass of OJ, which, in the Marler household, stands for "Orphan Joy". He then tucked away his unregistered firearm, crawled into his deceptively sensible, mid-priced sedan, and popped in his Captain & Tenille greatest hits record, which he enjoys unironically.

He then made his way to work, stopping only to smoke cigarettes and cuss out abandoned kittens at the local animal shelter. He also probably sped through school zones, but he goes to work early, so arguably the fines would not have doubled. Still, though...

Then, after a charming piece on the struggle to save a local hat emporium, Marler readied his message of doom. With unbridled glee, he unfurled his Marler prognostications. Snow for all, freedom for none.

And now we are left to pick up the pieces, the snowy tendrils of fallen angels, eviscerated by the official storm prophet of the Twin Cities. Also, there was a recipe for Sweet Pea & Mint spread which looked just delightful. To bad I'm dead inside, or I'd really enjoy that.


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