Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Baby, I Am Swine Flu

Hey look. It's me. A pig. Believe it.

I got the flu. You know what that means right? What with me also being a pig?

I am swine flu. I am positively riddled with disease.

People, this is my now. I hold all the cards. It's time to ride the swine. Feel me? Bring me a chalice!

You think Conficker is scary? Well, just you wait. I probably have that, too.

What do I want? Oh, nothin', just a chance to nuzzle you. Nuzzle, nuzzle, nuzzle. You see why I am so divisive.

What? You think this is gonna be like Monkeypox? A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll? Think again, probably.

Um, this is clearly a goblet and not a chalice. Also, it isn't filled with anything. Do you think I am playing swine games? I just barfed in a maternity ward!

I don't care what you fill it with, just bring it to me. Actually, fill it with Pabst. You still have some in your fridge right? Yes you do, we bought a twelve pack, you can't have finished... Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot Gary came over. Just put some of that egg salad in there...

No, not in the goblet. I said... You know what, screw it. I'm gonna go have swine flu somewhere else.

Seriously, you people.


Blogger Memphis Evans said...

Awesome. The only problem is that Egypt apparently read your post and believed it. Nice going, Egypt.


2:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been a critic of yours in the past, but I have to admit that this is pretty funny.

4:05 AM  

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