Tuesday, April 07, 2009

An Interview With Pabst Blue Ribbon

Every now and then, my blog affords me the opportunity to interview various newsmakers. Today, I am honored to introduce Pabst Blue Ribbon, refreshing beverage and co-star of Gran Torino. With out any further adieu, Pabst, welcome to TPWK.

Pabst: Yes. Good, gooooood.

TPWK: Thanks for joining us. Now, I want to address something that I'm sure is on everyone's minds. For which distinction were you honored with a blue ribbon?

Pabst: Well, TPWK, I like to think of it as a sort of lifetime achievement award, for making the world a better place.

TPWK: A better place?

Pabst: Yeah, like Bono or the Pope. I am the Pope of beers.

TPWK: So, you didn't win any sort of contest.

Pabst: No, but I beat out Old English 1800 and Miller High Life in a taste test.

TPWK: Impressive.

Pabst: High Life be stank, which is why it could not compete with Beer Pope.

TPWK: Fair enough. Now, you have generated what some would call negative publicity. It seems that you are encouraging underage college students to drink.

Pabst: This is a popular misconception. Beer doesn't drink beer. People drink beer.

TPWK: I don't follow.

Pabst: Beer Pope. Suck it down.

TPWK: Indeed.

Pabst: That's my new tagline.

TPWK: Does the Pope drink Pabst?

Pabst: Probably, but that's not really relevant.

TPWK: Of course.

Pabst: I said I was the Pope of beers, not that the Pope consumes me.

TPWK: I did not mean to insinuate...

Pabst: Lotta people tryin' to hate on Pabst. The Pope, Dan Aykroyd.

TPWK: Yeah, Aykroyd was really over the line, there.

Pabst: What does he know about my girl, anyway?

TPWK: Of course, you are talking about Tequiza, with whom you have been romantically linked.

Pabst: She understands me.

TPWK: She taste's like crap.

Pabst: That's why she understands me.

TPWK: Any truth to the rumor that you might become the official sponsor of Major League Baseball.

Pabst: I let my agent handle those things.

Miller High Life: Yo, there he is, sir cheats alot!

TPWK: Uh-oh.

Miller High Life: Tell them how you won that taste test.

Pabst: I don't know what you...

Miller High Life: (pulls a gun) Tell 'em, man!

Pabst: I...

Miller High Life: LOUDER M----- F------!!!

TPWK: This interview has taken an interesting turn.

Miller High Life: Shut up, fool. SAY IT!!!

Pabst: I mixed myself with a little bit of Delerium Tremens.

Miller High Life: Little bit? By the time you were done you cost $6.75 a bottle. That's not livin' the high life. I'm about to use that ribbon to string up yo' sorry ass.

TPWK: Um, please stop pistol whipping Pabst.

Pabst: No, it's cool. I deserve it. I deserve it.

TPWK: Well, that's all the time we have for today, I'd like to thank delicious Pabst, the Pope of beers, for stopping by.

Miller High Life: Squeal, punk!


Blogger scott said...

i must say seeing Pabst in 20 oz cans while in Birmingham recently renewed my love for it. $3 a can! can't be that! also, High Life is the Champagne of Beers, so i guess Pabst can be the Pope.

3:02 PM  

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