Thursday, June 04, 2009

Top Ten Fridays - Things I learned from Obama's Speech

Today, Obama gave a speech in Cairo. This was important because, well, I actually have no idea why it's important. It's not like this accompanies any actual policy. But hey, he's the president, so if he wants to be frivolous, let's all unduly congratulate him. Besides he taught us many things, including:

10. Islam is magic. But it is only magic if we are friends.

9. If you repackage the same damn things the last administration said, but do so in a soothing baritone, this will make change happen.

8. Unicorns fart Skittles! And by unicorns, I mean Muslims.

7. Al-Ashar is a state-sponsored institution that excludes applicants on the basis of their religion. This is not at all problematic.

6. Colonialism caused terrorism, so it is best to define that term as broadly as possible.

5. 30% constitutes a small minority.

4. There are seven million Muslims in America, even though there are 2.5 million Muslims in America. After all, the more Muslims, the better. See #8 above.

3. Morocco was the first nation to recognize America as a nation. This does not require any further qualification. Do not consult Wikipedia. No.

2. In related news, Peter Welle has recently taken a position as White House speechwriter.

1. Action is cheap. Talk is where it's at.

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