Friday, July 10, 2009

Top Ten Fridays: Burger Ingredients

The key to a good burger is not the meat. In fact, the cheapest, fattiest meat usually makes the best burger. So put the bison down, scrawny-pants, and find a better way to make your burger special. These ten ingredients and toppings are a start.

-Worcestershire and Soy. Before grilling, I almost always add these two, since they mimic the flavor and juices that you lose from the meat in the grilling process.

-Sri Racha. Otherwise known as liquid gold. It's the new ketchup. Which, by the way, ketchup is for kids. Don't eat it anymore.

-"American" Cheddar. God knows what it actually is, but if you're going to use it, put it on your burger.

-Ciabatta Bread. I'm a bit tired of this bread, since every restaurant uses it for every sandwich when a nice whole wheat or rye will do, but for burgers, it's a hearty bread that doesn't get soggy.

- Bacon. Unless it's overcooked. Overcooked bacon on a burger is like a beautiful baby girl who has just taken a nasty dump and needs to be changed.

- Gorgonzola. Bleu cheese has the same effect, but Gorgonzola is a better pairing with red meat, for my money.

- Garlic. If you slice it thin enough, and add it prior to cooking your burger, it disappears, except for the taste. Also, garlic rocks.

- Spinach. Cause lettuce sucks.

- Jalapenos. Unless you are one of those pussies who can't eat spicy things.

- Olives and mayo. With REAL mayonnaise and green olives. Some places like to pretend that sour cream and black olives are good. I say to them, get out of my country! That's what I say.


Anonymous peter said...

You tell 'em, Kevin! Go green olives!

BTW, after you left the restaurant last night, I realized that Gary Louris (lead singer of legendary MPLS band The Jayhawks) was seated near us. I stared at him until he got up uncomfortably and left.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

And his fellow front man drives a cheap pick up truck with an Obama sticker and a cracked dashboard.

Well, he saw me at my best... Passing out from heat exhaustion. Apparently, the landlords of Bangkok Thai shops are in foreclosure, and stole two months rent under the auspices of fixing the air conditioning. Thanks for that.

2:44 PM  
Blogger soup said...

Ok, but let's say, and believe me this is completely hypothetical, that maybe your friend likes the taste of beautiful baby girl who has just taken a nasty dump and needs to be changed? Obviously I think that's icky, but some people find irony delicious.

My friend also wants to know if that is the correct usage of irony.

11:09 PM  

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