Tuesday, December 08, 2009

North Minneapolis Christmas Carols

Share with the family! Make the children enjoy!

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Well the screaming outside is frightful
And the neighbor's stoned on Nyquil
And since you're completely broke...
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

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Copper pipes. (Copper pipes)
Copper pipes. (Copper pipes)
Foreclosure time, south of Dowling

Cracking windows, shattered windows
And a cat that just died
And the bank
Won't be fixing
The furnace

Children laughing, Children laughing?
How long have they been here?
It's a new low for Camden this year!!!!!

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Fremont roasting... On an open fire.
Broadway overrun by hoes
A liquor store, and smell of burnt tires
Merry Christmas from us west of Ninety-fo!!!

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17 Comments:

Anonymous peter said...

Best post ever!

12:14 PM  
Anonymous HMS said...

The problem with Kevin is that he's not crossposting consummate wit like this along with his estimable conservative logic into Alexandria as one of our contributing Authors.

Kevin, solve this problem before even more needy children must do without for Christmas. Contact us through the site for full invitations and instructions.

8:53 AM  
Blogger Ranty said...

Wow, somebody's mother must've been a touch lazy in the teaching-manners department, eh?

NoMi is home to many fine people... and you've just gone and insulted the whole lot of 'em.

Congratulations.

2:43 PM  
Blogger NoMi Passenger said...

The only thing I can think of is that Kevin's life, up-bringing and values must be so bad and so low that he needs to create something worse and something lower to boost himself up.

That's the 'problem with kevin'

4:34 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

I live in North Minneapolis. Prior to living here, I lived in Midtown Phillips. The problems parodied here are not of my own creation.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Ranty said...

Is this what your block is like then, Kevin?

Because mine is NOT, and I'll thank you to use a finer brush in the future, so that you're not painting your stereotypes across ME and MY neighborhood.

And if your block in fact IS hellish in a way one would suppose from your little song, I will put aside my personal irritation and offer whatever help I can to CHANGE THAT.

Happy Holidays.

5:33 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

My block? No. We are fortunate to have great neighbors. Many of my friends who live up here? Yeah. I don't adhere to the notion that I am required to be some sort of friendly cheerleader for my neighborhood, and I certainly don't see satire as indicative of bad manners.

And, I mean, come on. Your most recent blog post is about a house that burned down.

5:54 PM  
Blogger Ranty said...

First of all, the Pauline Fjelde house is in South Minneapolis. Try again.

Second of all, while I don't know which neighborhood you live in (let us keep in mind that North Minneapolis encompasses THIRTEEN,) you have every right to bitch if it sucks, or cheer-lead if it's great.
I have no problem with that.

But your post was about North Minneapolis. As a whole. And it perpetuates the very stereotypes that many of us have been trying to eradicate... because they are JUST THAT!

This post was not a parody. It was a weak, sing-songy list of stereotypes.

BTW, what neighborhood DO you live in?

Can I guess?

Is it Shingle Creek?

Inquiring minds want to know if you are north or south of Dowling...

;-)

6:09 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

You don't have to guess. It's all over my blog obvious where I live. So Shingle Creek isn't in North Minneapolis anymore? I'm living it up, right between a chemical plant and Brooklyn Center? Give me a break. Our houses get broken into. Our houses burn down.

And I have done plenty to dispel the stereotypes of NoMi. But I find no problem with making light of the bad stuff as well.

And your last blog post was still about a house that burned down. I'm sure the residents of Phillips love the publicity.

6:30 PM  
Blogger Ranty said...

The Pauline Fjelde house is in Central Neighborhood, not Phillips, and the subject was of high interest to my neighbors over there (to say nothing of the preservation community in Mpls,) as the property was under interim protection by the HPC when it burned.

And it was arson.

Listen, I am not a Pollyanna when it comes to Minneapolis neighborhoods, be they north or be they south.

Bad things happen in all sorts of neighborhoods. Some more than others, no doubt. Whatever. I still hate the perpetuation of a stereotypical view of the Northside. This area is more complex than that.

And I haven't ever read your blog before this post.

But I did google you, and see via facebook that we have a friend in common who lives in Shingle Creek.

So it was an educated guess.

And how funny that you assume what I'll say about Shingle Creek, and that it will be critical.

When I haven't yet said a word...

(I happen to think it's a fine neighborhood. And good luck with your lake, BTW.)

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am also a Nomi resident, and do NOT appreciate in the smallest bit your little tune! Grow up and try to appreciate the season instead of poking fun at a community that is struggling. Do you also pick on orphans??

10:02 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

I'm constructing new carols, just for you people. Incidentally, where is this coming from? This is a relatively old post.

12:33 AM  
Blogger Ranty said...

Just random googling.

;-)

1:58 PM  
Blogger Johnny Northside said...

We work hard to make our neighborhood better. We work our butts off. We've been changing the stereotype of this place by endless struggle to improve and kick out this very thug element you parody, which many of us happen to LOATHE.

5:45 PM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

Right, and I understand this, having read your blog off and on for quite a while. The fact remains, though, that foreclosure is a problem, prostitution is a problem, and arson is a problem.

I don't see what's wrong with parodying the thug element of this area I, and we all, despise. I wouldn't write this if I lived in Eden Prairie, for example.

11:12 PM  
Anonymous peter said...

I live in North Minneapolis. My home has been broken into and my car was stolen by thug jackasses. This post made me laugh out loud, and I've been singing the "copper pipes" refrain to myself for days since.

But seriously though, jokes are awful.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Kevin Sawyer said...

Thug jackasses? I suppose orphans are jackasses, too.

I care so much harder than you about everything, Peter.

11:56 AM  

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