Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Predictions for 2010

This year will not be like the last! Everything must change!

------------

R.T. Rybak will run for governor as the mayor who reduced crime in Minneapolis. This will become his downfall, as opponents are able to tie the inevitable increase in crime to Rybak's decision to take cops of the streets in favor of pretty fountains and buyout for lecherous lesbian firefighters.

------------

After some awkward posturing, Conan O'Brian is hired by Comedy Central (and not FOX), officially shifting the television game from network to cable TV.

------------
The Lions will draft well, to which sportswriters will respond by declaring the team a sleeper to grab a wild card spot. The Lions will not win a wild card spot.

------------

The Vikings will not win the Superbowl, and their fans will not win their battle to build a new stadium.

------------

Republicans will come within 4 seats of taking both the House and Senate.

------------

Clint Eastwood will direct his final film, which will be hailed as the best of his career, and will become the presumptive favorite in a strong class of Oscar nominees. Richard Jenkins will get an Oscar nomination for his role in a surprisingly watchable remake of Let The Right One In.

------------

Several restaurants will open, or restructure their menus, in a bid to appeal to a recession-induced appetite for giant portions of bland comfort food. At least one-quarter of these establishments will shutter their doors in 2010.

------------

Health care will come off the table, as the Democratic congress scatters to pass a flurry of largely symbolic legislation aimed at placating a new-found populism among the electorate.

------------

Mac will suffer a backlash, as budget-conscious consumers refuse to pay a premium for products that only work with proprietary software and hardware. The two-year contract becomes a mere formality, as companies eager to upgrades allow consumers more flexibility.

-------------

Norm Coleman will make noise by re-considering his decision not to run for governor. Brett Favre comparisons will abound. He will run, and he will win.

-------------

What do you predict?

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home