Thursday, June 03, 2010

Disturbing Roommate Conversation

Leroy: Hey, I read on your blog you are into flotillas.

TPWK: Conceptually?

Leroy: Or otherwise.

TPWK: No.

Leroy: Really? I thought you might have one.

TPWK: Leroy, look at my garage.

Leroy: It’s nice.

TPWK: And small.

Leroy: We agree.

TPWK: Where the hell would I keep a flotilla?

Leroy: Why don’t you let me ask the questions?

TPWK: Because this is my house. Why do you want a flotilla?

Leroy: I want to free St. Paul.

TPWK: From what?

Leroy: Smoking ban.

TPWK: You don’t smoke.

Leroy: Yeah, but they do.

TPWK: Who does?

Leroy: The Irish.

TPWK: What about the Hmong?

Leroy: This isn’t about demographics.

TPWK: You brought it up.

Leroy: Where can I rent a flotilla?

TPWK: You know, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what a flotilla is.

Leroy: It floats and causes freedom.

TPWK: Part of that description is almost certainly true. What’s the plan?

Leroy: I’m going to float down the Mississippi, handing out cigarettes.

TPWK: Okay, do you know what the smoking ban entails?

Leroy: It is a ban. On smoking.

TPWK: Right, but there’s a bit of nuance there.

Leroy: There’s that word again.

TPWK: Yeah, it’s not your favorite. That said, cigarettes are legal in St. Paul.

Leroy: Puffery!

TPWK: Nope. Here’s the text of the ordinances.

Leroy: You have all the ordinances of St. Paul printed out?

TPWK: Since the day you moved there. Remember the emu incident?

Leroy: Yeah, poor Skippy. How was I supposed to know that birds can't drive?

TPWK: At any rate, your "freedom smokes" plan is, at best, superfluous.

Leroy: But everyone likes freedom flotillas.

TPWK: Not really.

Leroy: So what should I do with all these cartons of cigarettes?

TPWK: Yeah, I was wondering what the moving truck was all about.

Leroy: Got ten more like that at home.

TPWK: Natch.

Leroy: So, um… Can I...

TPWK: Leroy. Again, look at the garage.

Leroy: Right, no, they won’t all fit.

TPWK: Is that your baby strapped to the top of the truck?

Leroy: No! Well, yeah, probab… Yep, that’s him.

TPWK: …

Leroy: Did I remember to ask if you had a flotilla?

TPWK: Go home, Leroy.

2 Comments:

Blogger Ted said...

Just image the conversation we had at work the next day. I can barely fit into my cube.

3:58 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Oh Leroy! Heck his kid's middle name is Danger so he'd better start living up to it.
I would say the Irish, Hmong, Mexicans wouldn't refuse free cigarettes from a Freedom Flotilla. People will just think it's another party happening on Harriet Island. Leroy will be an instant success and then there will some sort of rally at the capital either for or against Leroy's ploy- or both sides would show up. The striking nurses might jump in and enjoy the stress relief provided by Joe Camel. Chaos will ensue and everyone will blame it on Obama. All in all a great idea.

9:41 PM  

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