Monday, August 30, 2010

Monday Musings - State Fair '10 Edition

Hopefully, you are not at the fair today. It's too hot right now to buy chicken. Let's muse...

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I damn near witnessed a miracle at the Miracle of Birth coliseum. A substantial throng had gathered around the featured cow pen, so I followed suit. Featured cow had a large pink nodule, akin to giant salmon roe, hanging, miraculously, from it's vagina.

It was like a car crash; horrible, visceral and enticing all at once. Would I finally witness the miracle of birth? After five minutes of staring at dangly pink thing, it occurred to me that this process could take hours. I could invest my entire morning staring at pink mucous, only to be jilted at the proverbial alter.

Screw that. Tacos instead.

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Per my food post, it looks like I missed a one of a kind treat in the peach parfait from Salty Tart. They're the type to switch it up every year, so you might want to get your hands on one. The wine ice cream, honey sundaes, and dairy barn malts are in for the long haul.

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You know why I obsess about the fair? After approximately 150 hours spent at the event, I still unfurl random nuggets. Did you know about the news museum, tucked away in the NW corner of Frontierland (is that what it's called? It's across from the cream puff stand) A vintage printing press provides souvenir bookmarks in real time, for free. Brilliant.

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Speaking of Frontierland (Heritage Park? Does that sound right?), I caught wind of some excellent music coming from the stage, in the mode of Bon Iver. Turns out it was an Iowa band cum Arizona band called The Pines, who, as it turns out, have opened for Bon Iver.

Weird, I thought the fair specialized in ironic retro band and strum & fiddle dance troupes. Now I have to pay more attention.

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I didn't even look to see if the fire-eating midget was there. If he were not, I would have to assume he has passed on, and either outcome was just too depressing to fathom.

That said, the midway rides have notably progressed from "that looks boring" to "what kind of lunatic would pay to ride that thing?" Way to cut out the middle-road, state fair ride engineers.

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Did not know until this year that there was a second floor to the grandstand junk pavillion. You cannot fault the fair for not economizing their space, but... Why?

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You have not visited the fair until you've visited the crafts building. Seriously, there are wars over the pickle competition, people are knitting hamburgers on a regular basis, and the poster montage is not yet a dead art form.

Besides, there is something quaint about the knitting club sitting quietly, doing their thing, waiting for someone to ask for more information. It harkens back to a simpler time, before Murphy Brown ruined everything.

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That said, the paper-mache (or whatever) animals on top of the craft display cases are just creepy. Seriously, what the hell is that about?

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I'll give the art exhibit a hearty thumbs up. The art is more accessible this year, with a feature for art related to the fair itself. There were fewer esoteric pieces with political titles, almost no wintery landscapes (a State Fair staple), and no red blobs. Seriously, red blobs are decor, not art.

Instead, there was art with originality and a point of view. The bridge collapse photo will be most discussed (rightly so), but the darkly hilarious Easter Bunny Milieu was our personal winner. Among the State Fair works, the child biting the apple was about perfect.

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I could go on and on about the food at Giggles. They take this stuff seriously, and each of their offerings has earned universal acclaim. The chicken fried bacon is just another trophy for their case.

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Did you know Dan Patch was a horse? The city of Savage was named for its owner. Perhaps this explains why it is the most meaningless place on Earth.

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Boyz II Men apparently still has a following. People were lined up down the street just to catch a glimpse of the performance. It was like one of those music videos where a band does an impromptu show in the middle of a city.

They actually performed quite well, despite being down a member (filled in by what sounded like a pre-recorded octavized bass). Good for them.

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I could not locate Fox 9 storm prophet Keith Marler. I wanted desperately to hear his assuring voice, but apparently he was about the fair, injuring himself. Still, I believe.

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The Faces of Meth exhibit is gone, replaced by a courtyard for the corn bastard shack. Apparently, meth is okay to use again. Good to know.

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Why did the skateboarders stop performing before 8pm? That is precisely when I want to see skateboarders. Lousy illiterates.

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Have you been? What are you favorite memories? Share them with me, and we will become one!

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