Tuesday, November 30, 2010

WikiLeaks: Top Ten Revelations

The WikiLeaks fiasco has compromised sensitive data, embarrassing a nation whose foreign policy platform depends on secrecy. Below are some of the most stunning revelations from the WikiLeaks documents.

10. Hillary Clinton once asked German Chancellor Angela Merkel where she got her hair done. Merkel responded that it was none of her business, but blushed, clearly flattered by the questions. Hillary wondered if Merkel was offended.

9. Condoleezza Rice could not spell 'receipt' for the life of her, but couldn't think of another word to use.

8. Radical Muslims sure are hard workers.

7. The Faroe Islands kinda feel left out of the whole decision making process. They have some great ideas about the EU financial crisis, if only anyone would listen.

6. Hillary Clinton felt awkward about the whole Merkel hair incident, and bought her a $2,000 gift certificate for a Manhattan spa. Merkel didn't know how to take it, but passed the certificate along to one of her assistants, who was thrilled. The whole thing became more trouble than it was worth when the assistant needed time off to use the spa services during Merkel's trip to the United States.

5. Jimmy Carter is still relevant, for some damn reason.

4. Vladimir Putin loves his iPhone, and goes on comment sections of tech blogs to defend the product. His user name is MacRussian69.

3. Hugo Chavez is deathly afraid of cats, but also owns three of them. He believes in keeping his friends close, and his enemies closer.

2. George W. Bush walked in on one of the several dozen water-boardings of KSM eating a chicken breast. He was heard to comment "you know what? The chicken breast is the dryest part of the bird. But it's also the meatiest. It's a conundrum, I tell ya'" before promptly exiting. KSM thought that was pretty messed up.

1. Barack Obama doesn't talk about hope as much these days.

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