Sunday, December 26, 2010

Monday Musings - Boxer Day Edition

When is Boxer day? It's sometime between Christmas and New Years, I know, but is it today? Anyway, you can Google it, let's muse...

Anyone catch that Little Caesar's Bowl last night? It's is actually underway as I type, but short of a terrorist attack at the stadium, I can't imagine Toledo vs. Florida International generating any memorable news. Congrats FIU, probably.

Okay, I looked it up, FIU is 6-6. They're just in a bowl game because the word Florida is in the name of their school, aren't they? The Gophers should change their name to the Minnesota Fighting Florida, but only for football.

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Thesis: The Minnesota Vikings are single-handedly destroying professional football.

Supporting argument: The Metrodome. Billed as a multi-purpose monument to sports, the thing is actually a monumental turd, constructed as such SOLELY for the purpose of being able to also accommodate football games. Gotta love a stadium whose inspiration comes from civil visionaries Detroit and New Orleans.

Supporting argument: The Herschel Walker trade, which consequently gave us years of Cowboys dominance, thereby allowing owners to unaccountably piss away draft picks to acquire marginal talent. Seriously, EVERY trade looks smart after that trade.

Supporting argument: Randy Moss's first stint with the team. We can thank him for the NFL's gestapo anti-celebration policies, which apparently include delineating how many players (one) can celebrate with the fans at a give time.

Supporting argument: The playoff non-sellout. The bandwagon mentality in this town is so profound that even teams with a marginal shot to win the championship are ignored.

Supporting argument: The Lake Minnetonka boat incident. Seriously, there's a time and a place for that sort of behavior. Namely happy hour at Lord Fletcher's. We can pretty much thank the boat people for the preponderance of sports gossip sites we now presently enjoy.

Supporting argument: Brett Favre. Now, every time a QB so much a spits into the breeze, we'll get 30,000 articles about their "mindset". Did you know Brett loves the game? He does, I found out, from sports broadcasters.

The Williams brothers: They've given every other juiced player a roadmap for evading consequences until their career is shored up to the point where consequences don't really matter.

Randy Moss II: I have no words.

The Metrodome collapse: Now, every team that wants a new stadium will simply allow theirs to deteriorate to the point it is no longer usable. That riser collapse killed twelve people! We must have a new stadium, for the children. Think of the children! They cry out for justice (that can only come with a new stadium).

Supporting argument: Postponement: In fairness, this was pretty much inevitable after the game, but it set the precedent for...

Supporting argument: Postponement II: I was told that the Vikings-Eagles game has been rescheduled due to the difficulty of finding parking. Hogwash. This is a transparent attempt to float the idea of Tuesday night football, which would solve a lot of problems for NBC. They get away with it because the story is about the Vikings wacky season. Think they'd do this if the Giants were in town?

Let's count it up, shall we? Bad trades, rules against fun, billions needlessly poured into new stadiums, and Tuesday night football.

Ship 'em to LA, already.

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Have you seen the weather forecast for Thursday and Friday? Storm Prophet Keith Marler has seen that the truth is not in us, and he is wrathful. His only solution is to destroy us, but he is just, forever and ever, Fox 9.

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Went to Victor's 1959 cafe last weekend. Greasy spoon with a twist, no big whoop, be sure to spring for the Cuban fry bread.

What I won't understand, however, is the Minnesotan willingness to wait forever for breakfast. Has we not parked two blocks away, there was no way I was waiting 20 minutes for a seat. And yet, some are willing to wait for over an hour at places like Al's Breakfast (greasy spoon, no twist), a place I have studiously avoided for years.

What gives? Why do we wait the longest for what, invariably, is the least remarkable meal of the day?

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